Reviews for Midnight World: Allison White
KayaxXX chapter 12 . 8/23/2013
It was a great story :)
ForeverSunshine80083 chapter 12 . 5/24/2013
Isabelle Smith, :D

Might I first say that your story is incredibly well done. The plot is very interesting, especially since supernatural romances are definitely the new "it" thing these days. I must admit, I love them a great deal.

Your characters are intriguing, the plot is exceptional, the writing is very good and, all-in-all, I enjoyed myself! Congratulations on completing a story! It feels incredible, right? In my opinion, there isn't a greater joy than stepping back and admiring your work with a smile, knowing there are others out there who love it just as much as you do. And I'd be honered to give you just a little bit of constructive criticism, if it's okay, because I truly believe you have the talent to improve and even get to a point where you're making money off of what you love! :D

First and foremost, (now, this only applies if you want to, at some point in time, get your work published and on the market, because I believe you sincerely have a shot) I would very much start working on length and even more descriptive sentences. Although the easier reads are wonderful on an early morning, I believe you could draw the reader in with more depth in both character, emotional and surrounding description to make them truly go MAD WITH DESIRE for more of your work. And not only think of your story as a story, but as a work of art. Because in my mind, writing is art as well as excitement, thrill, anger, love, sadness, loss and even more love, especially with romantic books. By the way, I really liked Aaron and the name is awesome. I love it when you can put two of the same letters next to each other and still make the name look awesome.

Also, with more length, you have more time to really get even further into the romantic relationship between Allison and Aaron. Romance, although fun and enjoyable, is extremely hard to write. It is SO easy to rush it and make it feel like insta-love. Romance is hard, because love is all about evolving and attraction. Starting love is also very difficult and usually at first, it begins with trust and friendship, as you displayed nicely in your writing. Then, of course, it evolves into more of an attraction instead of just wanting to stand next to the person. Maybe you want him to hold your hand or kiss your cheek or do silly stuff like that and although you went through these stages in your story well, I think if you had a little more length, it could be even better! Of course, length comes with practice and practice comes with self loathing. Believe me, been there, done that. You have no idea how many times I just sat back and hated my work no matter what everyone else Said. But it's definitely even more scary when in versa. There are always haters, because writing is so subjective these days. People can start disliking your work just because they don't like the main character's name. People can be so hurtful sometimes. And terribly judge-mental. :(

But to continue, because by me babbling, it isn't making this review any shorter, I think the other thing to keep in mind every once in a while is character development. Which is also extremely difficult and even I struggle with. What I find helps is just taking the time to think of all your side characters, because usually the main character isn't the problem. Think of their past, their family and how the grew up and evolved from being a crazy teenager, like myself, to an adult or like some of your characters, a council member. Then when they speak, each character is individual and are more real.

Finally, dialogue. Oh God. I hate, hate, hate dealing with dialogue. People really don't realize how hard dialogue is until they start trying to determine one character from the next. To practice this, as a writing exercise, try taking three or four characters from your story and write out a line of dialogue for each one without adding "he said" or "she said" and see if maybe one of your friends who have read the story, can guess who these people are. Giving them a multiple choice helps during the beginning. Say, you're taking Aaron, Allison and Merlin, for example. It's actually pretty fun and a nice writing experiment! :D

Anyhow, that's about all I've got for now! Lol. Of course, as you delve further into the sea of madness that is writing, you must, must, must learn how to self edit. I know, when you start publishing books and all, you'll have a bunch of wonderful editors to do the work, but in the meantime, it's always best to learn how to recheck for popular grammar mistakes like, there, their and they're. Along with spelling errors, placement structure, indentation and figuring out whether you're writing the story in past tense or present.

But seriously, the story was wonderful and I LOVED it! Hopefully you don't mind me blabbing on and on, but I just wanted to help a bit, because I know one day you'll be publishing books and becoming the next Suzanne Collins and Stephenie Meyer. You have a wonderful talent and I can't wait to see you shine!

-ForeverSunshine80083
ThisEnglishGal chapter 12 . 10/17/2012
Rawr! Cliffhangers annoy me soooo much, i always get stories that have cliffhangers...but good read :) thanks for writing it
Kiwi Chan12 chapter 1 . 8/9/2012
Awesome u r magical!
F.H.W chapter 12 . 2/15/2011
The story has a plot but your descriptions are very vague. It would be nicer if you added more details on what happens. Overall, good effort!
Sweatered5Hatchets chapter 12 . 7/28/2010
The Apocalypse! I didn't see that one coming.

The story is good, it had a lot of twist like Allison's father is an archangel which explains why Allison is immortal. Also that Ophelia is her sister and Allision's was to save her. Ooh and I was surprised that Allision can reverse life, that was cool, and it will help with the The Apocalypse or when she fights again. Can't wait to read the continuation of the story and read about Jade Lee and her adventures. Will Aaron and Allision make an appearence in Jade Lee's story?
Sweatered5Hatchets chapter 11 . 7/28/2010
Aaron asked Allison to marry him! how cute(:

I feel bad for Lucius though, he couldn't be with the one he loved, sadness :'(
Sweatered5Hatchets chapter 10 . 7/27/2010
How is Allison going to fight against Lucia? Has Aaron been following her and going to save her? Or will Allison's father save her again? The fight is going to be interesting. "I will get you out of here Ophelia, if it takes my soul", that line is EPIC! Nothing like true love, I'm happy that Ophelia forgave Lucius and that he truly does loves her.
Sweatered5Hatchets chapter 9 . 7/26/2010
I wonder what Lucius will decide when he meets Allison.

The underworld sounds like you will never be happy again, once you are inside and it will be difficult to escape from there. Allison has lots of planning to do.
Sweatered5Hatchets chapter 8 . 7/25/2010
Another twist, Allison and Ophelia are sisters, woah.

I think that the love between Aaron and Allison might get strong and eventually give in. I also think that Allison will find Ophelia, but I'm not sure if Allison will be able to save her
Deangela chapter 7 . 7/25/2010
I can't believe she actually told him!

I hope you can put up the next chapi haha.

Thanx
Sweatered5Hatchets chapter 7 . 7/24/2010
Yes! They finally confessed their love towards each other.

I'm looking forward to read more problems that both Allison and Aaron have to face.
Sweatered5Hatchets chapter 6 . 7/23/2010
I didn't expect that Allison's father is an archangel, but it makes sense now.

And I was shocked that Allison is now part of the council. What a twist!
Sweatered5Hatchets chapter 5 . 7/22/2010
Hmm, I think the council are going to tell Allison why she's there and her connection to the war. Or something like that.

Can't wait to read the next chapter.
Sweatered5Hatchets chapter 4 . 7/21/2010
Thanks for the shout-out.

Does Allison have special powers?

It was soo cute when Aaron gave a small kiss(in the hand)to Allison.
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