Reviews for You Are Not A Tree
notveryalice chapter 1 . 8/27/2010
I agree that "I be road-kill, slut," is the strongest line in the poem. The unforced and musical inner rhymes hold it together very strongly - a glue that's absent in a lot of free verse.

Favourited.
wayfaringstrangers chapter 1 . 8/5/2010
Whoa. So that was...different. Yet, in a really good way. I thought it was brilliant.

I like how everything is connected, yet a lot of it just seems random.

Though, to be honest, I'm not quite clear about what it's supposed to mean (if it means anything). Regardless of that though, I liked it.
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 1 . 7/27/2010
A really interesting poem; the imagery is strong, and the words are powerful, kind of leaving a weird aftertaste after you've read them. "I be road-kill, slut" is, to me, the strongest line throughout this. It stands out against the others. I also really liked the "Fire in your belly, fire in your mouth!" line, again its strong and powerful. Nice work
thewhimsicalbard chapter 1 . 7/24/2010
There's a whole lotta sex in your poems, Dee. It took me a while to catch on to it, but it is almost omnipresent-especially in the second line.

Your rhyme was well-used. Also, your rhythm in this poem is the best I've seen from you. It feels like a freestyle rap, almost. I can see you tossing your hair around, throwing caution-and a little bit of attitude-to the wind.

It's really well done. I have to wonder if it's the same two or three people who inspire most of your poems like it is for me.

Good job Dee! Your PM is in the works too, I promise!

-thewhimsicalbard
Faithless Juliet chapter 1 . 7/24/2010
The opening section of your piece (probably the first half) was very interesting to me. I liked how you took on an almost Faulknarian stream-of-conscious style narration, and it read as if I were listening to the writers thoughts as they were spoken within the mind. I love that surrealistic/abstract connection that comes between reader and writer with that style, and you handled that very well. You moved from topic/subject easily, and there was a lot of cohesive forethought in terms of making connections throughout.

The second half was more dangerous, at least while reading it, that’s the impression that I took on. The thought narration came more quickly and you could map it more clearly. I liked how the piece is really a full circle: start, building momentum, and end. And that can be hard to do with this kind of style.

The only thing that I think might improve it – perhaps – would be to break up the solid block format; I think in terms of narration and style/flow of the piece (because it’s so fluid anyway) it might enhance it to put in breaks and stanzas. Just a thought though, really it enjoyed this one though, keep up the good work.

Much love,

Juliet.
Mizzuz Spock chapter 1 . 7/23/2010
First of all, let me apologize for taking so long to give you the review you rightfully deserve for winning the May WCC. I know, I know. I should've given this to you forever ago, but real life, man. Real life is a real bitch.

Anyway, I digress. On with the review:

I enjoyed the formatting for this piece. It's very quick and stream-of-conscious, something I quite like, and, even though there wasn't an exact rhythm, I don't think it really mattered. The whole thing seemed to flow together easily. Nothing too jarring (aside from the sneeze, but I'll comment on that later.) It reminded me of a rap song, and I had to smile when you actually mentioned "it's not about the books or the rap song verses."

I didn't exactly care for the sneezing bit. I'm just not sure where that was going. I like the following line ["bless me, bless me but don't test me"], but the ACHOO felt very unnecessary and more like a gimmick just to use the next line. I think it could still work well without the sneeze. Are you purposely trying to avoid putting a name in there?

I like the touch of French in there. It kind of bothers me that there's only that one little line. It might've felt more cohesive if there'd been some more random bits of French tossed in, but I like that the line you did use it in mentions something about being confused. When I read it, I WAS confused. Thanks for the translation. :]

I'm not sure what this is about, exactly, but I love poetry that's not straight-forward, because everyone who reads it walks away with a different meaning. Personally, I get a sense of confusion. Of a girl who is used for sex and wants salvation, but isn't sure if she deserves it.

Also, I liked the title. Mostly because I was trying to figure out how it tied in with the rest of the poem. Is it because the girl has no roots and can't decide who she is? (I'm probably WAY off... Ha ha. Fun.)

There weren't really any particular lines that jumped out at me and made me fall in love with this poem, but still. I liked it. The formatting helped with that a lot, I think. I felt the closing line was perfect, too, and gave the poem a nice conclusion. It wasn't abrupt or tacky. The whole thing led up to it almost seamlessly. Good job.

Again, I'm so so so so sorry for being a flake and taking forever to give you this review. Late gratz again on your WCC win. :]
InkedSoul chapter 1 . 7/20/2010
This poem was oddly...different and interesting.

Sadly I didn't get the point of it, I just figured it was a bunch of random thoughts. One thing I admire though is how you don't go by the book with your writing. Your way of writing is pretty unique and creative so this is something I haven't stumbled upon yet and it's nice to see something fresh on FP.

Some of the lines were rather catchy and creative though, I have to give you that, I just wish I knew what it was about so that I could admire it a bit more :\

Idaretoguess from the Roadhouse
seredemia chapter 1 . 7/19/2010
Not quite sure what this is about but I liked it nonetheless. At first, I thought it was about sluts and whores, but maybe not. I like the rough feel in this poem. It's not exactly what you would call an elegant and graceful piece. That's what I loved about it though.

I loved the line "I be roadkill, slut." It just sounds so bitter!

Roadhouse
this wild abyss chapter 1 . 7/18/2010
Interesting...

To me, this seems to be a random stream of thoughts thrown together into a block and given a meter. It didn't make a lot of sense to me, and was in fact, rather jarring. But this might have been because of the lack of defined stanzas. This poem is different in a way that I would not expect, and I appreciate that.
S. M. Saves chapter 1 . 7/18/2010
I had a hard time finding a suitable rhythm to read this piece too. Then I saw this line "the rap song verses" and it hit me. This isn't your average, everyday poetics. So I crawled over to youtube and searched "rap beat". It helped a lot. :)

Let's see. I'm going to go into a huge literary analysis here. The descriptions appear to appeal more to emotions than to actual senses. (Unless sperm is actually hot pink, then I have been lied to my entire life!) There's a recurring theme of being attacked: infected with a skin disease, sperm, religion, and bugs (which I feel aren't literally bugs but religious teachings or people who look down upon the narrator's current course in life). I don't want to get hooked on to an anti-church theme because it might not exist but here's what I have for that:

"You are not a tree": Tree of knowledge, you are not all-knowing.

"find the right way": The right way to live one's life according to the teachings. The struggle between being innocent and dabbling with sin.

"leave my questions unanswered": Who doesn't have questions about why we're here or why things are the way they are or were written?

"deliverance delivering delivery": A repetitive play on "deliver us from evil" in the Lord's prayer.

Honestly, I could go on forever with the interpretations. It's so open ended. The presentation of the piece overall is jagged but that could be because I had a hard time hooking onto a suitable rhythm to go on. It'll take me several more reads to find it but that's my shortcoming, not yours. The ending left me in the middle of nowhere. It wasn't finite but then again, no rhythm, so no natural end. (And I don't mean rhythm as in rhyme, Mother Goose stuffs. Rhythm like a song-like harmony where the piece is the melody.)

I have mixed feelings but I'll take it over Mother Goose any day. ;)

"Fire in your belly, fire in your mouth! Spit it out! Spit it out!": favorite line.
Isca chapter 1 . 7/18/2010
"Monster in the closet under me." I really like your use of the word "under" here, instead of "infront" or "beside." The fact that the closet is 'under' the speaker, gives a whole new meaning to 'monster under the bed.'

"I be road-kill, slut." This is the crux of the poem, I think.

"Fire in your belly, fire in your mouth! Spit it out! Spit it out!" Wow. The flow here is quite remarkable; the repetition and gospel-esque phrasing definitely quickens the pace of the piece.

"I need some deliverance delivering delivery." This is a very clever final line. I like it a lot.

[The Review Game - Poems - Easy Fix]
RandomUser674 chapter 1 . 7/18/2010
That was the best poem I've ever read about road-kill. Very interesting.
speakeasy-love chapter 1 . 7/18/2010
the spark! ah yes I love hearing about the spark. the end of this poem was perfectly done.