|Reviews for Under The Rain Recovery|
| Let The Stars Fall chapter 1 . 5/17/2011
Really enjoyed this, especially the imagery with the cigarette. Great work.
| Launo chapter 1 . 7/30/2010
The description of the rain was very nice and realistic. The speed and flow was nice. Her emotions seemed really realistic. I like the style of your writing. It had a bittersweet but satisfying ending!
| deefective chapter 1 . 7/25/2010
I really liked the way you wrote this story. It was short and to the point but there was this nice feeling it left you with and you made it very relateable. I liked the way you interspersed the list throughout the narration. You did it in a very clever way that didn't detract from anything else in the story, but instead added so much more. The flow was smooth throughout, which was impressive just because when bringing up past events in a story, that can get a little choppy when trying to return to the present, if that makes any sense. The only thing that got confusing was her and the cigarette. At one point you say she lit it and started smoking but then you mention her getting frustrated that it was not lighting. Unless she had another cigarette, which I don't think you mentioned, then that doesn't make any sense. My favorite line was probably:
"Abbey had no idea how old she was when she stopped being scared."
It has this poignant poetic tone to it that I absolutely love. It's powerful and soft and it reveals so much about the main character at the same time. Nicely done.
| InkedSoul chapter 1 . 7/24/2010
I guess rain and friends mixed together equals a semi quick recovery. (:
I like how we gradually learned what happened to her and her emotiongs toward the break up as she works her way through "the list", which by the way is a creative idea to get over a break up. With all the things that she found she hated about her boyfriend, I'm surprised she even stayed with him for long, but love got the best of her I'm guessing.
It was nice that her friends were able to help her through the break up, even her mother, sort of, so she has a lot of support. It's not easy getting through that kind of thing so easily but she was confident and I admired her character a lot.
The ending kind of confused me though because I thought she was walking home the entire time, but then I looked back and saw that you didn't really specify where she was the whole time, silly me. I might've overlooked it but if you didn't, it might be a good idea to mention where she is in the beginning just to have a good idea of where the whole story is taking place.
Anyway, overall touching story. The description and emotion was realistic and something most people could relate to. I really liked it (:
Idareutoguess from the RH
| seredemia chapter 1 . 7/23/2010
Aaw. This was tragic and sad... You did a really good job at making her emotions stand out. I could really tell she was heartbroken that her boyfriend left her... I love the idea of the list, reminding her why she should move on from her boyfriend... I thought that was sweet of her friend to help her with. I must admit that that's a rather good idea... The boyfriend did sound horrible. I'm not sure if it's because the list was full of negative things, but he didn't sound like your prince charming, now did he..? I loved it when Abbey said she wanted to her boyfriend suffer. A bit drastic, but it was really strong.
| Narq chapter 1 . 7/22/2010
and soaking through her dark brown hair
- firstly, you can't soak through hair - not like clothes, so I think it should be "soaking her hair" and secondly, I think this is written in 'her' POV so she wouldn't say, the rain soaked my dark brown hair.
She struggled to light a cigarette, and eventually, after her thumb was sore from spinning the wheel, her hands numb from the cold,
- You need to have that her hand swere numb from the cold first before saying that she struggled to light a cigarette. Keep it chronological.
In the distance, she could see the pier lit up against the darkness.
- "light" not "lit"
Her friend. If she really is a friend, and a good one - which I was under the impression of, that friend should have a name.
The stars winked down at her
-cliche - I know you can do better.
He always answered the phone on dates.
-"the phone" - personalise it. Is it his cell phone? it is "his" phone at least, and not "the" phone.
Her best friend, the girl who had helped compile the flaws list, had sent her a few brief words.
- what is she called? BEST FRIEND, we don't even know her name!
Interesting story. It was kinda scary, too, near the end. The realisation that she, too, probably didn't care. That she, too might be the same as the guy was kinda like... woah, didn't see that coming, in a good way because it was believable.
| S. M. Saves chapter 1 . 7/22/2010
I've been through a number five. Gawd that guy was a smug jerk!
Ahem. What can I say? Down to earth. Do you have any idea how many female readers are going to get through this and relate? You covered almost every aspect of a jerky ex (minus abrasive and cheating).
I like how Abbey's fear of falling through the slots of the pier can be related to how he let her down. The symbol picks up the reflection and ties Abbey's childhood to how she is now as an adult.
Could have gone into a little bit more detail about the relationship before she starts the list. It would make it seem more significant. How was this relationship different from other ones she may have had, other than she had found herself falling in love with him? A brief description of how he was with her when she thought he was the most amazing guy on the planet (before she realizes he was an incredibly tacky dancer) should cover it.
You've been repaid.
| AvidWriter-92 chapter 1 . 7/22/2010
Hey there. :)
I really liked this short story because of the words you've used, and the way you described things with them. :P I think that the whole story flowed very well, and I think that a lot of people can relate to Abbey's position she's in. :)
I also like how you don't flat out tell everything that happened between Abbey and her boyfriend; you don't even tell us his name. It makes it easier for us to side with Abbey, and sympathize with her. :)
I thought it was cute how you encorporated a list (everybody has one of these!) and Abbey's friends into the mix. :) It gave me a better picture of what her life was like. :)
Great job on this, Dreamer! :) I quite liked Abbey's personality; she seemed very human and realistic. :)
Avid, via the Roadhouse. repaid review 1/1. :)