|Reviews for when I speak I am the California coast|
| dragonflydreamer chapter 1 . 8/11/2010
Hey, haven't reviewed your work in a while.
Interesting piece. It reads like a poem explaining yourself, but you have such great images and analogies that it becomes so much more complex and meaningful.
I loved a lot of images in this, but I'll pick out a few. The title/first line was definitely catchy. " I am the pen not the paper/understand?" had a nice beat to it. "when I speak I am teeth to the sky."-interesting way to phrase that.
That being said, I wasn't particularly in love with the fourth stanza. It started off well-it had a lighthearted and refreshing feel. But other than possibly the first line, the images aren't as unique as the rest of the piece.
Flow, word choice, and line breaks are great. I can tell you put a lot of thought into them.
I'll be sure to check out some more of your works soon :)
| kamwe kukua chapter 1 . 7/21/2010
i really like it. the ONLY thi g thqt you should change is DESSERT to DESERT. dessert mountains make me think of mountains of ice cream. but its all good. great poem otherwise.
| thewhimsicalbard chapter 1 . 7/21/2010
I think you may have meant to say "desert" mountains (as in the arid landscape), and not "dessert" (as in stuff like ice cream). However, read as it is written, I find the image of a "dessert girl" quite interesting.
Maybe I'm wrong though, and she's "not THAT kind of dessert girl." I'd love to know.