Reviews for The Dreamer's Amulet
JadeScarlet chapter 1 . 7/27/2010
Prologue:

I like this: its short and enticing. One thing you could add would be to put in a few sentences explaining what the DCA is.

Chapter 1:

Like the prologue, you have a lot of vivid description of your characters.

"...the appointments with a fortune-teller" - I think this would sound better with a definate article, as in appointments with THE fortune-teller or those fortune tellers if there is more than one.

"The other man, Arthur, nudged Kurt inside..." You imply that the other man is Arthur in the previous sentence so you don't need to name him again.

"Kurt realized how grungy and ugly the house looked" - the word grungy makes me think of rock bands

"These plants covered the whole mountain." - The plants covered the entire mountain

"As I got to the bathroom, I showered quickly," - fantasy world with a bathroom? No outhouse? A shower rather than carrying up buckets of water? I just thought thatt was curious. I see you mention she's wearing jeans and a t-shirt so this world must not be the high fantasy realm I was thinking after reading the prologue and the first part of the chapter.

Chollora - when I said this name out loud it came out as Cholera.

Overall, the first two sections were very good, but I'm not so sure about using first person on the third section of the chapter. You lose some of the descriptive language that made the first two sections interesting. I think you could improve it by writing from Talia's point of view in the third person, as though the reader was looking over her shoulder, still seeing everything that she sees but from a less personal perspective. Additionally, the transition into this part of the chapter could also be changed to make it clear that it is moving out of the fantasy setting of the earlier part of the chapter, that she is waking up from a dream into a more modern farmhouse with showers and televisions.

Grammatical notes:

In general there are a lot of sentence fragments that should be combined to make complete sentences.

A few specifics:

"She had finally trapped the demons into the most horrible form she could think of: the Swine." (make this a complete sentence by using a colon)

"Almost like a cry. From a child." (These are sentence fragments, consider revising and use commas to indicate a pause in thought rather than a period).

"This is serious business," the man told the boy." - changed the period to a comma to combine the sentences. You should do this in several other places after a quotation mark.

"Kurt knew there was something weird about this old man, especially when he saw the staircase, covered in what appeared to be a green, slimy substance, the wood cracked in some places, with whole missing stairs here and there." - opposite problem: the run-on sentence. This one can be split into two sentences.

"These plants covered the whole mountain." - The plants covered the entire mountain

"nothing strong enough to _war_ off Praguedikes" - should be ward off?

Excellent job with the spellchecker. There are some awkward commas about, but I can never remember all of the comma rules myself.
M. T. Christen chapter 5 . 7/23/2010
Hehe I'm reviewing my own story! i'm so awesome! Although I admit, I made a mistake on the Title for Chapter two. I meant Carter not Ckarter. D: lol