|Reviews for The Shadowy Past|
| Michi-Chan-San chapter 1 . 11/21/2010
Hi, so here i am as promissed. I have finally after so long read the first chapter, and i do have some criticism, some good and some bad.
So here goes. I believe you should review your story because i have detected some mistakes, especially on the prologue, it stands out a little because there's some words missing which makes it hard to make sense of the start.
I think you began well, but to me this felt like a flashback but you placed it as a prologue, which would be fine if you later on for example got to that exact point and wrote out the whole scene afterwards. Being as it is the prologue lost imediatly every effect it could bring on the reader because they know exactly what happened at the first chapter, but some of the mistery still holds, as to why she got to that situation in the first place. However you should have kept more suspense to make the reader keep on going chapter after chapter.
Also you could have played with that situation, because i noticed this most likely will have a romantic setting for them, now you may either disappoint people, or they will imediatly lose interest because they'll either won't like the way it's going or they will feel discouraged to go on because they already know who it might be.
I do like the whole mistery about her character, i just think it should feel stronger.
The characters are pretty well made, the whole possibility that lingers about the main character is definitly something to watch for, and i admit to a bit of curiosity to what follows.
Well and that's it for now, so keep up the good work and i hope you'll read my story as well. Thank you.
| Heather N.S chapter 7 . 8/26/2010
Wow, so your story has gone all crazy science-fiction/fantasy...I like it! Reminds me of some books I used to read by the author Beatrice Small...you should SERIOUSLY consider getting this story published if you finish it, I would be the first in line to buy it! :)
Can't wait for the next chapter!
P.S. She'd better be in a friggen coma, BRING TRAVIS BACK!
| Heather N.S chapter 6 . 8/26/2010
Wow, it's almost like she relies on those nightmares to keep going with her life, to stay physically healthy, at least that what it sounds like to me, and now that they're gone she completely tormented, not only mentally but physically as well.
Geeze, that must SUCK for Travis to have to come back home to that after a business trip, and I can't imagine how worried he must be about her while he's gone! :(
It makes me feel really warm and fuzzy on the inside that so many people are willing to just drop everything to take care of her! Travis, a complete stranger at first, Cindy, Travis's friend and his dad...that's incredible! I hope once her nightmares stop she can realize just how loved she is by everyone :)
OH MY GOD...A SEMI? NO! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! NO!
I'm very pissed. HOW can you KILL him? YOU'D BETTER BRING HIM BACK TO LIFE! I'm in friggen love with Travis myself! If SHE can go into another friggen realm she can bring HIM back to life! HE'D BETTER BE BACK ALIVE BY THE TIME YOU'RE DONE WITH THIS STORY! GAH!
Not happy. This is so...so SO realistic...and they hit a semi? I had a friend senior year get t-boned by a semi, she was in the passenger side and that's the side that hit...so your story hits pretty close to home for me.
I can't believe you killed off Travis, what a waste! *pouts & crosses arms* Reading the next chapter...
| Heather N.S chapter 5 . 8/26/2010
I LOVE how you include her insecurities about his secret manly activities he might be involved in, in this story, something we can ALL relate to for sure! Something all to real for most of us I think!
I also like the fact that you don't have her trying to seduce him while she's sleeping in the same bed as him, that is a nice change from most stories, including my own! _
"I was like I was speaking through gelatin."
| Heather N.S chapter 4 . 8/26/2010
LOVE this chapter, gave us a little more insight into her past and that's important! On to the next one! :)
| Heather N.S chapter 3 . 8/26/2010
Wow...now I'm confused! How is she getting the cuts? Travis says they can't be together...but they are in almost every aspect of a relationship...almost. So what's the difference? What is his job? OMG...on to the next chapter!
| Heather N.S chapter 2 . 8/26/2010
Great chapter! Again, I can't find a thing wrong with it and I was reading for the purpose of trying to FIND something wrong haha!
Again, LOVE your descriptions! Absolutely fantastic and the whole fire works scene gave me goose bumps! :)
| AubreeLynn chapter 6 . 8/10/2010
WHAT THE FUCK! Excuse my french, but just some things need a very nice explosion of words. Travis dying was one of those things. I mean...(might want to close your eyes and read over this line without actually seeing it) HOW THE FUCK IN HEAVEN OR HELL COULD YOU KILL HIM! I MEAN SERIOUSLY? DAMN IT! I LIKED HIM! WHY DOES SOMETHING BAD ALWAYS HAPPEN TO THE MOTHER FUCKING GOOD GUYS! SHIT!
Rant of inappropriate words done. I apoligize, though I still partically want to slit your throat. Which may seem bad, but in fact it's a very good thing. This is by far one of the best stories I've read in my life, and I read a lot, Travis dying just added to that. But...you know...I really do hope he really isnt DEAD DEAD. I hope...oh hell I dont know! I just want Travis back.
Again, getting this much of a reaction out of me is good. I never bother this much unless I'm really hooked on the story.
Keep writing please, and quickly, dear if you can. I'm over here freaking out.
thank you, and good job as always.
| Megsi chapter 5 . 8/1/2010
I really like the way you've been describing the dreams and how they appear to allude to a higher meaning.
The relationship between Gabby and Travis is interesting but very slow :(. I can't wait to see if progress.
I'm really curious to hear more about the realms of 'Levi and Hay.'
This story has been really good so far. The pace is pretty good; the drama of the dreams sets the pace so that it's not too slow and her inner monologue is quite interesting.
| raycel44 chapter 1 . 7/28/2010
first of all, thanks for making me one of your favorite authors. I really appreciate it. The way you wrote your story was amazing. I know I say this to a lot of people but when I read stories as detailed as yours, I couldn't help but feel that I was in the scene watching every thing. Nicely done. Hope you can drop by my profile and review any of my stories like Encounter and This fool. I wouldn't recommend the Saying I love you story because the grammar in there was a little bit muggy and I didn't have the time to really edit them. Thanks and have a nice day
| Heather N.S chapter 1 . 7/27/2010
Wow I am SO jealous of you! The way you've formed Travis and Gabby's relationship is the way I wanted to build the character's in MY story...for some reason I just haven't gotten the hang of it yet, maybe with practice, time and editing I can get better at it. Great chapter! :)
| NightOfAThousandNightmares chapter 3 . 7/25/2010
Huh...I will definitely keep up with this story. Very interesting, so much shrouded in secrecy, but little by little, I'm sure all will be revealed. Though, I'm still somewhat confused. I hope I'll get everything soon :)
Keep on writing!
| NightOfAThousandNightmares chapter 2 . 7/25/2010
I'm finding myself going "aww" out loud haha. I'm personally waiting anxiously for Travis and Gabby to "get together", so to speak.
The only thing is that I would have liked to find some more background of how they ended up in the "here and now". No matter, I will keep on reading, with much happiness.
Keep up improving :)
| NightOfAThousandNightmares chapter 1 . 7/25/2010
So I was going through some forum posts and I saw one that mentioned this story. I decided to give it a look. And for the first chapter, I'm really REALLY into it. I'm just curious: so, in this story, there's a bunch of zombies invading the city? Or not?
Anyways, minus a few grammatical errors and some minor plot confusion, it's very well written, and I will certainly keep on reading for more!
Also, don't get disappointed if you don't get many reviews. From what I've seen, as your writing gets more sophisticated and deviates from the norm, people tend to go over to the more "basically" written stories. Keep on writing, you've got a talent.
| Megsi chapter 1 . 7/24/2010
A very interesting beginning. Your writing is very fluent and cohesive and your descriptions are very strong. Your spelling and grammar was excellent; I don't think I noticed any errors.
I love the basis of the relationship between Gabby and Travis and it will interesting to continue to read about them together.
I'm curious about what Travis is hiding and what exactly Gabby's nightmares are.
I really enjoyed this :)