Reviews for The Ancient Beast Curse
Raymond Lamar Gilstrap chapter 1 . 3/26/2012
Nice descriptions in this chapter! I love it. That is what I look for in a good story, if the author can describe things well. You do a great job with that! The only thing I noticed is that you switch scene a lot in this chapter. I didn't know if it was because you wrote multiple chapter in one post or because it helps to move the story along. I doubt you posted multiple chapters in one post because of their short length. Maybe try to develop the scenes more in different chapters if you want. But if it's essential for the story that you do it the way it already is then leave it. I look forward to reading more!
Ramar chapter 3 . 6/22/2011
Woah...dramatic...nice cliff hanger there...but I do hope you'll update again very soon ]

And that boy is truly a nuisance in the way...unless he becomes a part of their team, because he doesn't seem to want to go back home...
KML92 chapter 2 . 1/17/2011
I liked this chapter. It's certainly different. It;s sad that Timothy has to listen to his parents fight. He diesn't seem to be very old and that's something a little boy shouldn't have to deal with. Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading more.

~KML92
KML92 chapter 1 . 1/4/2011
Good first chapter. I like it so far and I totally agree with John about the car. I love may car too and I would be sad if anything happened to it (-: So yeah, thank you for your reviews and I promise to continue with this story. I have big plans believe me. Keep up the good work!

KML92
Ashes of Summer chapter 2 . 12/22/2010
I cant decide if Raven is good or not...you have created a very mysterious character! Cant wait for chp 3!

~K
Ashes of Summer chapter 1 . 12/22/2010
Now this is going to be a good one! Who is this Raven creature and why does he seem so shifty? Ah I'm so glad I do not have to wait for chapter two :)
whitebird chapter 2 . 11/23/2010
I really like this story/want to know what is going to happen! On the whole it is very well written and I like Timothy's character. one small tip I have is that dialogue sometimes stands stronger without too many adverbs. for example, instead of writing,

""Ah yes, well you see I am a special bird. A magical bird if you will," he stated nonchalantly." You can just write, "he stated."

Or instead of ""Magical?" the boy questioned curiously," you can just write that he "questioned."

I know that's a really small thing, but it would improve your writing a little more since it gives more emphasis on what the character is actually saying.

please keep writing! :)
Niki Tori chapter 2 . 10/2/2010
Very light-hearted at the beginning, it really made me wonder what got sour between Timothy's parents. You've done a very beautiful job here at making things seem magical!

~Much Love and Many Hugs~

Niki T.
LuxAurorae chapter 1 . 9/21/2010
Nicely written. I liked how all the scenes connected at the end of the chapter. The characters were great too. I enjoyed the interaction between the three people in the car. It was an especially good display of the woman's authority.

Good attention to detail and characters. There weren't any major mistakes, but here are the very few and very minor things that I found:

- "Timothy, why don't you go play outside for a while? A growing boy needs his exercise after all." she asked in a manner that was more of a command.

It should be a comma instead of a period before the last quotation mark.

- On the upper floor of the house a boy about twelve years old was seen in his room, lying in bed, staring at the ceiling while his mind drifted off with the clouds. (Why about twelve years old? Why not just "a twelve year old boy?) I wasn't sure if that was intentional.

- the paragraph starting with:"Enough," she said in a commanding voice... I wasn't too sure about the punctuation there.

"Enough," she said in a commanding voice, "[...] So John, shut up and keep your eyes on the road," she said to the driver, "and Zack, focus on keeping an eye out for it with your binoculars," she said, shoving the binoculars into his gut with unnecessary force.

You've connected one quote to two sentences, combining it into one very long sentence that grammatically reads as two. I'm not sure if it's okay, but it looks strange.

Again, great work. I'm just being a nitpicker. Your characters are believable with genuine voices. Keep writing!
Green Gummy Bear chapter 2 . 8/15/2010
I love this! It flows so nice. I didn't see where you said his age.

Please update really really soon!
Niki Tori chapter 1 . 7/31/2010
This is a great idea you have. It really kept my interest and I hope you will continue to update! I really enjoyed reading your story! As far as criticism, the only thing I saw was some of the sentence seemed a bit to long. Other than that everything else is great in my opinion.

~Much Love and Many Hugs~

Niki T.