wow! i really really like it! i don't usualy read manga stuff, but this is soo cool! and i can picture everything in my head! can't wait to read more!

Wow, that's a great start! You're a brilliant writer, and I was totally intrigued while reading. Can't wait for you to post more! -Anna

This was a really good first chapter! I love your writing style because it's fast paced and kept me interested the whole way through :) Maybe you could check out my story, Ishiki. I'd love to hear your opinion on it :)

Very original. The future feels like the future with all the high tech. I've read a fair a number mangas and the world here feels like it doesn't loan anything from anywhere, and that's something to be proud of.

The storytelling feels smooth, altough it relies heavily on dialogue. If you'd like to, you could describe the sights more. How does the city look? Are there skycrapers or multiple levels of smaller and compact buildings?. What about the forest outside, stuff like that. It gives the story more length and it should be interesting as the world is an original one.

The characters were only introduced only shortly, so I can't say much about them at this point. Personalities, such as the airheaded (that's the image I got from the choice of clothing) Juniper naturally seem kind of one-sided right now, but as the story moves forward and characters have time to grow, this shouldn't be a problem, right? As for the protagonist, not much can be said either at this point. Seems like the standard issue normal, hard working shoujo protagonist to me. Describing the inner workings of her mind as you did when introducing Tate is always a good tactic imo. It's a natural way to flesh out her character as well and should be used often.

The story itself doesn't feel like much at this point. The simple coincidence that will probably be the start of something bigger is almost unnoticeable. Naturally it's only the starting point, but I wonder just how will everything evolve from here on.