|Reviews for An Unwise Decision|
| DarkHawk14 chapter 1 . 8/25/2010
I definitely enjoyed hearing the Greek gods and goddesses talk like ordinary humans and seeing them eat cake. Something about that just made me smile the whole time I was reading this.
I think Athena and Ares would make a great team. Like you said, she has the wisdom and fairness to balance him out. :)
On a side note, I think it's a great idea that you copyright your works at the bottom of the page. Good thinking. :)
| The Maiden chapter 1 . 8/12/2010
Wow, that was fun but Athena can't hold her drink, poor thing. The bit with Zeus was a little weird because that's Athena's father, Ares has a odd way of picking up women but it was a lovely one-shot.
| jevn chapter 1 . 8/12/2010
The author's note explained a bit, sort of how the story fit together. I was confused, slightly, by how the mortals were intigral to wine and such, was it because the mortals drank wine, making a god of wine needed?
Anyway, I liked Athena's naration, although I sort of think that Athena goes from stone cold to red hot too quickly. My suggestion is to have her say she was attracted to him before she's drunk, maybe a thought to the affect of, she thought he was attractive but would never do anything about it... Because as you have it now it seems like he's taking advantage of her while she's drunk, which doesn't seem to be the case.
I'd also take out the one sentence narated from Aries's point of view, because most of the story is from Athena's point of view, and I always find that jumps in naration amid a single chapter are awkward, the final few paragraphs are an exception, as its a different conversation entirely.
Just a few things from a grammatical perspective that people may have already mentioned, I haven't looked at the other reviews.
Athena eyebrows furrowed. Athenas eyebrows...
arms moved on their own accord. *Of their own accord, unless an accord is a type of lever I wasn't aware of.
All in all, a good job.
| T-cat AKA TaraMafia chapter 1 . 8/9/2010
Uh, just wanted to let you know that it was Artemis who made a vow of chastity. I don't think Athena did. But good story anyways!
| Stormi Reagan chapter 1 . 8/9/2010
-Repaying Reviews via Roadhouse
Once I saw what this one-shot was about, I felt like grinning. Another piece from you that is about the wonderful Greek Mythology.
*cough* Sorry. I'll quit fan-girling.
The idea of Athena accepting the request from Ares is really well thought of. I can't picture Athena making an unwise decision, but it's not impossible, right? Gods make mistakes, that's a well known fact.
I liked your side of Ares. I liked to see him soft. It was a good one-shot that was very well written, and I think this was the first time I saw you write a one-shot that wasn't a poem, and I was impressed. The way you had the river of your story flow was really good.
Poems, stories, whichever, it is awesome.
I'm just a little high on Greek-love!
| thefluffmysters chapter 1 . 8/7/2010
Wow, those gods sure know how to throw a party. XD But really, I don't see why Athena couldn't just walk away from Ares... also, Ares kinda creeps me out. Are they, like, together now? Because if they are, I have a feeling he'll cheat on her. Either way, this was a pretty good story. I'g guessing that the unwise decition was saying yes? Yeah, pretty sure of that, although it didn't seem to unwise at the time. I didn't really notice any grammatical issues aside from:
Athena eyebrows furrowed-Athena's eyebrows furrowed.
Thats all that I saw, I guess i could be wrong, but ...yeah.
I liked this. It kept my attention and it was good! ]
| StarPhoenix9241 chapter 1 . 8/3/2010
You should put the AN at the top. The whole time i was reading this i was thinking, "OOC for Athena" and then i was like "OH"
So i went back and read it again and love it! Greek mythology is the ultimate pool for writing, but so few can pull it off. This is a great backstory for Athena's Goddess of War status and I'm lol-ing at the thought of Zeus and Dionysus being Athena/Ares shippers. Aphrodite was fantastic, even though her appearance was short and I wonder where she went?
This didn't even seem like a challenge, nothing was forced and everything flowed smoothly. Nicely done.
| sw13 chapter 1 . 8/3/2010
Not too bad. It was put together pretty well; very sharp. I think Athena seems a little...out of it. I just can't see Athena doing something like that in any situation... But whatever. Not to bad at all.
| William G. Thorne chapter 1 . 8/2/2010
I would have never imagined Athena to delve into wine, much less even let Ares talk her into it haha. Lovely piece, I liked the suprise :)
also, very clever of you to start and end the story on the same note!
| ranDUMM chapter 1 . 7/31/2010
Hey there Avid!
Ahh, you finished it! Congrats :) Too bad that you didn't get it in on time to make the poll, but I'm sure it's an extremely interesting take on the challenge prompt anyway! :)
And an interesting take it is! The first paragraph itself hooks the reader in. I'm so curious as to what is going to happen with Athena.
And of course, Ares must come to seduce her. A drunk Athena really is quite backward from how she normally is. And the way you've written her quite clearly shows that she is completely different and not at all herself - however, it also shows that she is drunk, and that is why her judgement is not quite right. It's written quite well, and I must say that it has quite an impact on the mood, and even plot.
Ares actually wants Athena? For an honest reason? That's a little unexpected - and maybe that's because of the way you've written it. I felt a little like you'd just rushed into it a little. As if one second you were writing about him as a seducing type of person who wasn't honest and just trying to get in her pants (tunic), but the next, he was being an admirable man, that was only trying to do the right thing. It was as if you'd missed and important plot point in there.
Also, the end seemed a little rushed to me. I felt like you could have written about it in a bit more of a ... not vague way, so that it detailed the events more. I was really getting into the story, and then it ended. So maybe consider lengthening the end.
All in all, and really awesome take on the challenge prompt! I quite like the way you've portrayed Athena, and I think that you've done her how we both portrayed Athena as someone whom she is not.
A great challenge piece; a pity it was late :)
| Vernelley chapter 1 . 7/31/2010
It was pretty good. I suppose Athena's drunkenness was an effective way of showing her out of character, in contrast to her usual wisdom and level-headedness. I don't really know much about Ares so I don't know if it's a good thing that he's sly and everything, but I suppose it all works out for him and Athena. Hope you'll be able to get back into Persephone's Flight soon, I'm really looking forward to it. :D