|Reviews for Jack of Eagles|
| ZyggyGirl chapter 3 . 8/18/2010
You have some very unique ideas here. The fact that Dream Leeches can only attack when someone has been cut by a mirror is really interesting. I'm seeing a lot of references to Alice in Wonderland, but you don't overdo it.
Personally, I say 'bravo' for decribing the Leeches as looking like roley-poley bugs. It created an instant, clear mental image of the Leeches.
| Old xRayneWolfx account chapter 1 . 8/17/2010
I love your idea and Rix the rabbit, he is awesome! At first I thought you were doing a retelling of "Alice in Wonderland" but after reading this, it was so different ) nice prologue! I can't wait to read more of this
| SS-60 SiX chapter 5 . 8/17/2010
Paper Crane? Love it! The chapter was really good, although I was a bit confused at the beginning. Still, I love the playing card idea.
| Zethoa chapter 4 . 8/15/2010
Hm. Character progression for Jack is decent, though I'd like to know more about his personality and/or his pre-amnesic (no idea if I spelled that right) state. (I'm becoming suspicious of a double-world syndrome, but don't tell me if I'm right.) Kuruu seems to be developing decently, but watch your descriptions. If he's a cat, why does he have hands? And why was he called a young man? Elsie might need a bit of work development-wise.
Yes, a bit overwhelmed by the info overload, but I still like the story and I'm still quite intrigued. Please carry on.
| ZyggyGirl chapter 2 . 8/14/2010
I get a little worried with chapters as long as this. But you really kept my attention. You have a real knack for subtle, sardonic humor. The pacing and story flow weren't too bad. There were a couple of various errors, but I know this is just a draft. Nice job with the Alice in Wonderland references.
Also, I really like Jack. I have a bit of a soft spot for guys with braids and a sense of humor.
So far, so good!
| ZyggyGirl chapter 1 . 8/14/2010
Paragraph 1, sentence 2: "and , groggily, got up..." Omit the space before the comma.
4: "gray wiry hair peaking our from..." 'our' should be 'out'.
7: I think 'revealed' is supposed to be 'relieved'.
9: "and he bit tongue," it should be "and he bit his tongue,"
10: "Rix could see tears starting for form in her eyes." 'For' should be 'to', I think.
11: Since Rix is a rabbit, maybe you should change 'hand' to 'paw'.
12: "as if she'd giver her very soul..." Change 'giver' to 'give'.
18: "if he was sufficiency armed..." 'sufficiency' should be 'sufficiently'.
20: "Several large crashing noises come from..." 'come' should be 'came'.
I liked the idea of a rabbit doing all these things. You make it seem as though it's perfectly normal.
One thing I didn't quite understand was the very end. Was he supposed to clear her memory? If so, of what?
I am very much in love with the idea of using cards as tools.
| SS-60 SiX chapter 4 . 8/13/2010
I love the storyline, and the idea of the playing cards. Reminds me a bit of Alice in wonderland. One question, is rix and them cat normal animal sizes or people size?
| Zethoa chapter 3 . 8/7/2010
And the further you write, the more I'm lost. (But that's a good thing.) Now that we know a bit about what Nightmare Inspectors do, I can't wait to find out more about this strange universe.
One thing I would warn is to avoid allowing your story to resemble Alice in Wonderland too much. You already have the rabbit and the cat, and I know the quote "curiouser and curiouser" is from there. While references are good, too much can leave the reader feeling like they've already read the story and may make them a bit cynical.
Other than that, keep it up!
| Katchiri Black chapter 1 . 8/5/2010
There is nothing to say but that this story is truely amazing and beautifully written. I myself wish that my work was half this good. The only critisism that I can give is that there may be a few grammar errors, but the rest-as I have hopefully made clear- is amazing. I hope you continue on with this captivating story until it's conclusion, and not give up on it like most people tend to do. Thank you for this wonderful work of art.
| Zethoa chapter 2 . 8/2/2010
Hm I'm quite intrigued. Especially by this Rix character. Is he a rabbit? Because at one point he was a doberman. And how can a rabbit do what he does?
Jack is also interesting, though I suspect he'll be more interesting once he gets a few memories back.
Critique-wise, watch your spelling a bit, and you are slightly prone to run-on sentences. If there is more than one "and" in a sentence, change it.
Other than that, you've caught my interest. Waiting for more!