Reviews for Kintrasero
SCopySCat91 chapter 2 . 2/4/2011
I like how short these chapters are. It's a bit of a change from "Without Light" but it's nice. I have decided that Kintra is about 10x better then Kuro (he is just pure evil!)
SCopySCat91 chapter 1 . 2/4/2011
Egad! I'm 15! Should I not read this? (Nah, vivid sex and gore make me smile... You decide if I'm kidding or not)

I like this so far. I am a little bet confused at the time, but I think that you did an exelent job of telling the readers just enough to keep them in the dark, yet keep it light enough for them to find there way to the next chapter.

(Sorry for mispellings ang gramatical errors in my reviews)
CaBlasch87 chapter 4 . 1/31/2011
love love love it! yeay!
Kara P chapter 4 . 1/25/2011
Kintra is so cute. I can't wait to read more about him. :)
Ratcher99 chapter 1 . 1/10/2011
Very discriptive and detailed, dragons are a good-touch.
Kuronekowakan chapter 10 . 11/7/2010
why is there no more? yeah i pressed the button a lot.
Kuronekowakan chapter 9 . 11/7/2010
"I've just met too many people who think like her. They think they're not pretty. Not worth it. It is sad how women so often allow themselves to be used instead of cherished in their relationships. Most girls admit they gave up their virginity just because he wanted them too, and it almost seems like our society encourages that. Girls shouldn't enjoy sex. But does that mean it should be painful and coerced? Where's the middle ground? "Men give love to get sex. Girls give sex to get love," is the popular saying. Is it true?"

yeah...sad thing is it is very true. i personally no longer feel that way, but i've also kinda gave up on finding love again. not that i think i'll never find it again just that i won't be looking for it again. kintra wasn't looking for love, it just kinda found him and that's what i intend on doing. i no longer think that everyone owes me something or that i owe them.

this chapter kinda reminds me of me, at least a part of me that you've never met. so it really touched me. which is idk evident because i'm ACTUALLY reviewing the chapter!
Hunter 'Hawkshadow' Crane chapter 10 . 10/25/2010
eh, doesn't matter. I laughed afew times during this chapter because I thought Kuroshi was gonna gut the guy he ran into!
Fiery Dancer chapter 10 . 10/18/2010
dont rag the teenagers! our hormones are all screwy, you never know what we're gonna do ;D

anyway - such a cute chap! this was absolutely adorable! and poor kuro, questioning his sexuality LOL staring scene - hilarious!

so kintra's finally figuring it out? hes gonna feel so bad once he knows, cant wait to see when he does understand :) poor guy
Peachie Miss chapter 10 . 10/15/2010
Rofl! Kuro's actively trying to figure it out! I'm so glad other people use the word 'fuckable'...not that I do, but my cousin does and it was so hilarious to hear. Aww, I wish I could say Kintra loves Midi because of who she is, but pointing this out really makes it hard. And ah, I thought something was funny about the way Kiti stopped mid sentence and started kissing him, but I didn't realize this was more of his powers coming in. Poor Kintra, he's shaping up to have the worst teen years of any character I've seen. Just wait til he finds out. Also, I think today should be unofficially known as 'Fuckable/Fuckworthy Friday' or Get Some Day' because both updates had some lovin going on. Pff! So next week, the brotherly love happens? Oh man! Thanks for the update, looking forward to the next!
MartyredMuse chapter 2 . 10/11/2010
I must say that this story is amazing. Your wording and style of writing itself captures you at the very beginning and makes the reader beg for more. Already the characters capture your heart and you become emotionally invested in them. I am excited to read on. Keep up the great work!
iamdarkmetalgoddess chapter 9 . 10/11/2010
Its different than most stories and the chapters are a good size. I'm curious about what happens next.
Peachie Miss chapter 9 . 10/10/2010
Oh myy~ Interesting chapters as always. Kuroi isn't as scary ish in this story...YET. But man is he weird. And I'm not kidding, when I read the star ball part, I thought of the dragon balls. Pfft! Poor Kiti, used to being used that way so much, I wonder if even after this night, she'll still flinch? And I'm kinda laughing at Kintra, he's like, 'oh I wanna try...' Very interested in what happens next chapter! And yes, I liked that the sex stuff wasn't about the nitty gritty nasty bump n grind. At least Kuro knows you shouldn't hit it and quit it. The giving sex for love is dead on, too bad that's not how it works out. It seems so glamorous these days to play up your sex appeal, like it goes without saying, 'yes girls, you should totally be loose with your bodies, after all it is yours!' and I mean, that's true, to a certain extent. You decide what you want to do. But we need to stand our ground on things that matter. And sex is something that matters, especially for a woman. You have to let something enter you, and from what I've been told, it isn't always pleasant. It's not the man who can end up pregnant, after all. I think I rambled too much, and can't remember where I was going with this but yeah. Very interesting topic to touch on, I look forward to seeing what happens next.
LuxAurorae chapter 5 . 9/23/2010
I loved all the world-specific details in this chapter, and the pet manual was a clever way to explain everything to the readers. Aww, Kintra going through adolescence! He seems so vulnerable and human.

I just kind of wonder how it was possible for him to grow up so ...kind, especially with Kuroi and Kuro as influences. Also, he isn't proud of the few powers that he does have, but he still wants new ones?
scripted chapter 1 . 9/23/2010
I'm very embedded in realism when it comes to fiction (writing, reading, watching etc) so I might not be the best audience to review this, as there are some aspects I am just completely clueless towards. But I shall try and comment my best of writing, emotions etc :)

-Actual Review-

I love the opening line!

Speech is a wonderful tool to begin with, as it captures the reader slightly off guard and pulls them right into the story. And you've used this tool well, with the tone being rather patronising. It also has the opportunity of being menacing, or caring, but we have no idea which way it will swing. This keeps us reading to find out what's going on, which makes it a great hook of a first line, which is the one of the hardest lines to do in the whole story. Congrats :]]

The next line goes perfectly with the first and tells us that it's, most definitely, a menacing line. This obviously makes the story so much more interesting, and adds some fear and curiosity to the reader, which are awesome emotions for the beginning.

And the use of the little girl is a really good option too, because we have this paternal? instinct to PROTECT LITTLE CUTE GIRL! :(( And we basically don't want to see an innocent child hurt .

I don't either, btw... Please don't do bad things to her :(

:L A human with big, black wings is hardly a convincing disguise, dear dragon. I don't know about you, but I have never seen a human with black wings, and so I think people can guess you're not a normal person when walking down the street with those attached to your back :L

It does make me wonder WHY he would only partly disguise himself though... Like, is he doing it to intimidate people? In which case, why does he feel a need to intimidate people? Is he in danger of something, or just does it for fun?

Overall, really good tool As on the surface it's menacing and brings fear that there's this thing with huge wings pretending to be human, which keeps the reader reading; but when you look deeper it raises question, which also keeps the reader reading.

I don't know if you thought deeply about this when writing or if it just came to you naturally, but if it's the former - amazing thought pattern! If it's the latter, you're really talented

Great use of italics when you say "a dragon", puts awesome emphasis on it

I've always been told that's it best to "show not tell" the reader about emotions and feelings, and you do this brilliantly with the girl. You show her fear from the slightest movements, like flinching, whimpering, and the fear in her eyes. This also creates wonderful tension when you show his menacing side and apparent evilness. I don't know how you manage to hold your tongue (or pen) when writing, to make sure you don't go on and just leave it short and snappy. But it's a great skill to have Treasure it :]]

Oerr... Chains at her feet :/ Sounds like a lovely afternoon for her

"she heard herself whimper"

Nice use of language! It makes her seem as if she's not in control of herself at all, which shows her fear amazingly. Again, I have no idea how you do it XDD

"Master's going to scold me, being rude to customers…"

Hehe, she's so cute! I love her :3 And it does say a lot about her master o.O If she's worried about being rude when he's clearly about to hurt her loads or kill her.

Your description is very short and snappy, and isn't poetic or fancy, but somehow I still really like it. You describe everything that is necessary and bring attention to the things that do need it, like her eyes. Its great for scenes like this, but watch out in the future, especially for romantic scenes and such. Because then it's really effective to use more poetic language with metaphors and beautiful description and that.

But this is assuming you don't do that, if you do, I apologise for the snap assumption .

O I love the bit about the mortal hands. The shortness that you put it really adds impact and helps the reader feel the sudden fear that the girl feels, so really well done. Also, you slipped in some information about her kind subtly, which is a talent to do too.

Okay, the last lines words are really impaction, and I love the idea of him being the second son on G-d, but you do it in a way that's pretty cheesy :/ The ellipsis that leads it to a new line is pushing it into the melodramatic area, cos you can just imagine a voice doing DUN DUN DUN as you read the last bit .

Seriously, you don't need to do that. Twould probably be much better if you take away the ellipsis and just have it as "the second son of the G-d of Death."

Your words are good enough, you don't need to try moving them around too much to create impact.

Also, the "to be continued" is the same. If it's a fic that has chapters, people will figure that it's to be continued, they really don't need to be told. Tis so easy to become cheesy xPP

And, finally with the CC, the ANs are also pretty unnecessary past the first two lines of warning. I agree with making a small warning, just in case, but past that is too much. Really, the reader doesn't need to be told what the story is going to be about, and what it will contain in length. That's for them to stumble upon when reading, and what is the real hook of it If you already tell them at the beginning then there's no element of finding something that you fall in love with in the middle of reading.

Have trust in your real writing, the creative bit, that people will fall in love with it and continue reading it, because you are talent. No need to try and sell it by telling us what it will be :]]

Overall, I think you write really well! You have that priceless talent of being so so able to show instead of tell, and I can tell you have incredible imagination if you can come up with a fantasy plot. All you need to do is believe in yourself, writing wise, a little more. You have the talent and imagination, which is what so many people try their whole lives to achieve. Twas a short chapter, but still enjoyable. So really congrats for managing to pull that off, tis really hard xP

Great work!

-scripted
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