|Reviews for The Kenite|
| matte chapter 22 . 3/19/2016
One thing i always wondered when reading this fiction is why you made this situation so much...catastrophic. Nothing like this would ever happen simply because of sulphur. It is very deadly to them. FBI and such knows from years about the Kenites and so they know about that weakness.
All you need is put sulphur inside of bullets. Or do some gas grenades. And knowing our race, that is something that would have been already made. Way before this possible situation. Out of fear, obviously, because that's how we are made. We destroy what we fear. If kenites are weak to sulphor, we add sulphur to ammo, grenades and such and store them.
So, this war starts? In 3-4 days the Kenites start tasting sulphor.
In short, it's higly unbeliveable how you protrait humanity here. We are not so...static. We don't like hazards, we make us ready to face all kind of situations.
All in all, in a war we would have a great ally in sulphur. And we would know who are humans and who are not. I don't believe that governments won't try to secretly discover who are the Kenites. Make a list or something. Who won't try to discover who are the monsters living among normal humans?
All in all, it would be a short war because there would be huge and equal losses on both sides. Plus, Kenites would be discovered by human population. To tell the truth, i don't think Kenites would ever try to start a war.
They had an advantage. But they discarded it years ago when they revealed their existence to human governments. Now humans would be prepared, we would have an effective backup plan if Kenites start attacking us. It's only logic.
What is not logic is known that exist a race of beings way stronger than us and doing nothing to prevent them to eradicate us in a what if scenario.
| D. W. Tyn chapter 3 . 9/24/2015
I love your idea of making the truth behind the vampire myth instead of remaking it. The Kenite are my favorite portrayal of human-like vampires.
| matte chapter 27 . 3/17/2011
I really loved this story! I hope you will you make a sequel, because i will surely read it. Original story and well written, this is really a wonderful work! A pity that you recieved only 4 reviews, your story deserved better. By the way, be sure that if you will do a sequel i won't miss it. Again, a really beautiful story.
Only a small critique: your first chapter was not...written well as the others, and maybe that's why you had only a few reviews. Sadly, often people looks only at the first chapter of a story before deciding if keep reading it or not. But the other chapters were well written.
| Danica West chapter 2 . 8/14/2010
Just stopped by to see what this was all about. (the word 'FBI' attracts me like moth to a flame)
It could be an interesting plot. It does seems a bit unpolished, but practise makes perfect.
Keep writing :)
| Averick chapter 1 . 8/11/2010
This is a very intriguing beginning. Poor guy, lost his partner, hehe. Poor Mac. Elizabeth seems pretty cool and what's up with the Assistant Director guy? Hmm. Like it so far!
| SCopySCat91 chapter 1 . 8/10/2010
I noticed that your not getting many reviews. Would you mind a few words of wisdom? If not keep reading. You have a really good plot and I LOVE the idea, but the beginning makes me want to walk away. Not that it is bad or boring. It's quite the contrary, but all of the "the woman" and "the man" gets confusing. If you dont want to mention names say things like, "the black-haired menace" or something better, cause I know that example was pitiful. Oh, and shorter chapter might hold people's attention more.
| TriforceofEternity chapter 1 . 8/1/2010
I like the part where you introduce Elizabeth's name as part of the story so we can know what is going on while fitting to the theme of the questioning.
"agent Gregory Simons had been questioning the woman for more than two hours and in that time had gotten exactly nothing out of her. According to her identification her name was Elizabeth Gordon and she was a bounty hunter based out of Illinois. All he had been able to get out of her was that the man she had been chasing, one Rupert Groning, was a wanted fugitive that she had been hired to bring back."
I have never heard of the word Kenit before: Does it have anything to do with Kites?
*goes to look it up*
I just want to point out agent should be Agent but this is not a classroom though some spelling Nazis may flame you harshly because they are teachers who got bullied as kids.