Reviews for Puddin' Pie
thewhimsicalbard chapter 1 . 8/18/2010
[RG - Poems - Easy Fix]

I wanted to start with a quote to pique your interest in this review, but I can't pick just one. So, I have three.

"You are not supposed to be covered in vices and lices,"

"you've got shivers in your underwear"

"A/N: Hmm."

Yes. "A/N: Hmm" indeed. Dee, you have no idea how excited I was when I started to read this poem - I thought you were going to leave sex out of it. That was the reason for the second quote.

The first quote, however, appears here because it is my second favorite line in all of your poems (the first being the "fascinating songstress" line). Your wordplay is thrilling as always, and though it is nowhere near as prolific as in theory's, it catches the eye just as well.

And, since this is the review game, I have to point out something that I didn't like. Believe it or not, I do actually have something this time.

I would love to see this poem again, edited - especially if you added some semicolons. You need to learn how to use them effectively; they provide longer, more satisfying rhythm breaks; they leave your reader anticipating what is coming next; they have the potential to make your commas less confusing. See what I mean? ;)

So, that's the end of the RG part. Now I want to make a comment on your poem.

This is not necessarily in the Key of Dee, but you're using the same patterns of notes. Maybe you down-tuned or something?

Metaphor translated: different tone, same content.

The tone change is refreshing, but I have to say that I've seen this exact same idea in one of your poems before, except that I believe that there were references to torture/physical abuse in that one, instead of to the clerical view of sexuality.

That said, this is still excellent work - your language and imagery are as captivating as they have ever been, and your rhythmic sense is indisputably some of the best I have ever come upon (by the way, I finally figured out which band your poetic voice reminds me of - it's Cage the Elephant). The messages in the poem are more solid than lead. I got your PM, by the way. I'll get to it very soon. I've got some college packing to do tonight.

Much review love.

-thewhimsicalbard
DarkHawk14 chapter 1 . 8/15/2010
You had some great and creative imagery throughout this. The way you paced this so violently made it easy to keep reading and not get hung up on a more intense line.

"For the people, by the people with

sick, twisted minds they were born into and

dark evil thoughts from the Word-world." Was my favorite line, especially the 'Word-world' part. I also liked how you used repetition a lot, and never completely gave away what exactly you were talking about. I think that makes it easier for the reader to have their own take on what this is about.

Good job, I really liked this.

DarkHawk14 from the Roadhouse

Payback via 'All Aboard the Leviathan' or 'Nightmare in Gray' would be awesome. :)
Kobra Kid chapter 1 . 8/14/2010
You have a lot of really good imagery, from the very first sentence. All of the repetition was great - showed that the narrator was going through some kind of panic attack. Awesome work! :)

B. Cross from the RH

-Payback via Ace Of Spades? Thanks :)
Adrenalin chapter 1 . 8/9/2010
I seem to read a lot of creepy pieces this week.

Your poem had me go all 'ew, disgusting'. I expect that's what you were going for, and you image this really well, especially in the first part.

The repetition of 'no' and the exclamation marks, as well as the hurried rythm, conveyed a sort of panicky feeling.

(and if the subject of this poem is what I think it is, then you've truly down a wonderful job)
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 1 . 8/4/2010
Some really powerful imagery here, right from the start. I like the religious connotations carred throughout - the use of God, prayer, altars etc. It works really well.

'Ring of fire, ring of gold

on the left hand, third finger'

Interesting lines; they stick out, to me, and work really well with the 'corpse groom' stanza. I've got my own ideas about what this could be about, but I like the way it's more or less open to interpretation. I don't know; it just feels like one of those poems you can think about for days. Nice work.