|Reviews for An Angel's Prayer|
| sophiesix chapter 1 . 8/13/2010
I like how you built the picture of Corinne and her family: i could so easy apply that to a lot of my friends, so there was instant rapport there, nice work. Some lovely description and you could really feel the emotion. i was shocked that Marcy was being so blunt at a funeral, but she had good cause. I liked the last section best, where you get a look into the mother, and how seh wished teh rose was pink, but it couldn't be because it had to perfect. Very nice and good luck in teh wcc!
| Sercus Kaynine chapter 1 . 8/9/2010
You didn't just tug at my heartstrings, you held them in a death grip and dragged them down the aisle with Marcy. This piece really got to me because it's this type of heartless treatment that really pisses me off. As soon as I figured out what happened I was like, "omg, if I were Marcy I would be beyond upset by now" and then Marcy started getting upset and I was like, "Hell yeah, you tell 'em sister."
Excellent job with the emotions and the grief right here. Good ending, too. Now I have to go compose myself before reading the next WCC piece. Jesus, stupid people piss me off.
Good job and good luck in WCC!
| lianoid chapter 1 . 8/9/2010
I adore the last line in the first paragraph. I just think it was such an awesome visual and a really eloquent way to describe something.
The last line in the second paragraph definitely caught my interest. It made me wonder why it was their fault and who this narrator was. It’s clear that it’s a funeral, so I’m wondering if “they” know they’re at fault or if the narrator’s unfairly putting the blame on someone else.
At first, I didn’t realize she was speaking to the congregation, but once I did I realized how much I loved that effect. I thought she was simply speaking to the pastor, so it was a nice surprise when I realized otherwise. It definitely pulled me deeper into the piece and made me feel like I was right there.
Marcy's eyes fell on Corinne's parents again whose stone glances chiseled away
-Brilliant line. Really great description here with the “stone glances chiselled away”. I even adore the following one, with the “perfectly controlled receding hairline”. I thought that said quite a bit about his personality and was a clever way to reveal it.
“...cutting the design that Marcy had to live with...”
-Another fantastic line. There are so many of them; you really have quite a way with words.
The paragraph of description about Corrine shooting herself in front of Marcy really sent shivers down my spine. You described it in such a perfect way that I was surprised by the sudden suicide. You really did an amazing job with that part; I almost felt like I was standing there when it happened.
"Why couldn't you just leave her alone!"
-Edit: Choose either the exclamation or question mark; do not use both. (:
The wails echoed through the church, but the meaning struck louder than the returning crushing silence could smother.
-This is my favourite line in the piece. There are so many brilliant ones, but this one is the best, in my opinion.
Overall, an amazing piece. I think you did a fantastic job with this. I really felt for the narrator. I could feel her anger and pain and it did wonders to elevate this piece. Best of luck in this month’s WCC!