|Reviews for I love my big sister|
| rocklesson86 chapter 1 . 12/21/2010
I've seen your stuff on too and I have to say, your stories are poorly written. I'm trying to hate on you or anything, but if you took the time to make your chapter longer and proof your stuff before you could go so far. I'm just saying.
| Evil Dr. Yoho chapter 1 . 11/15/2010
I see your stuff all over the place here, so I decided to read one. I hate to say it, but this was...horribly written. What's worse is, I checked some of the other reviews you had on your million other "stories" to see what other people said, and they all said the same thing giving you constructive criticism on how to make your writing better. Why aren't you taking any of their advice? Why do you keep writing with terrible punctuation and grammar? Let me tell you, I like giving constructive criticism, but this just flat-out annoyed me.
Examples of some things that bugged me (and I'll be as nice as possible...)
"he said, she said, he tells her, she tells him, she says..."
I say: STOP DOING THAT. All your other reviewers already told you to use description. It's really not that hard to do.
The one other review you have for this story pointed out the scariest run-on sentence I've ever seen. The period key on your keyboard should be your friend. It won't kill you if you use it. Same goes for the comma key.
And third...why do all your "stories" involve the same characters...but pretty much don't have points behind them? Why don't you just make one big story out of all these little ones you're writing? Instead of having 100 mini-catastrophes about pointless topics, but them all together and give it a bigger point. Maybe you'd get more reviews that way. (And by that, I mean hopefully more reviews that don't continuously tell you to fix your terrible grammar.)
Sorry if I sound like a meanie, but if there's one thing I hate, it's a person who completely blows off constructive criticism from numerous people...multiple times. That makes you look stubborn, and readers and writers don't like stubborn people. Next time you post something, I honestly hope it's easier to read than this thing was. You don't want to hear from me again. Trust me.
| Isis Angelika chapter 1 . 8/7/2010
Okay. This story has nice potential but there are a lot of things you need to fix.
First, FIX YOUR GRAMMAR. It's really a turn off for people to read a story with poor grammar.
Now, it doesn't have to be perfect, but it has to be better than this.
Next, no abbreviations. "g-night" is also something people don't want to see. Unless they are literally saying "g-night" which I doubt they are. Type out the complete, goodnight. Also type out the number eleven and put pm or am depending on the time of day.
Also, you have severe run on sentences. I was out of breath before the sentence is halfway through. like, "''g-night Peter.'' she says and gets out of his car and walks up her front steps to her front door and waves and smiles and watches him drive off before slowly going inside quitely and sees an asleep Maggie on the couch so she smiles and drops her keys and purse on her table/desk type thing by her front door and goes over to Maggie and covers her with a blanket and kisses her cheek"
That sentence is huge, there are no commas or periods anywhere. AND it's too long.
Also, don't write table/desk type thing. Describe it.
It should be more like this, ''Goodnight, Peter,'' she says, as she gets out of his car and walks up to her front steps. At her front door she turns around, waves and smiles as she watches him drive off before slowly going inside. In the living room, she sees Maggie asleep on the couch. She smiles at her exhausted sister and places her purse on the dark mahogany wood chest. She pulls a throw off the back of her large, plush couch and covers Maggie, before kissing her goodnight.
It could be a really kick butt story you just need to fix it.