Reviews for One Quirky Family
Lynn K. Hollander chapter 1 . 9/5/2011
It was the Fourth of July in the human world or Earth as it was called and a certain grey furred Psammead was worried as he knew Bronx had been acting odd for the last few months but had helped him but now he'd woken up hearing Bronx groan in pain as he went to get his human friends as Carley understood knowing that something wasn't right with Bronx as she opened a portal to Aria. This is one of the longest and most awkward sentences I've ever seen. For the reader, who knows only what she reads and not what you mean, the pronouns are very confusing. Who is described as 'grey furred'? Is it Carley? If so, is Carley male -since you use 'he knew'- or female -since you also use 'she opened'? I will assume the first pronoun -he-is correct. Try: It was the Fourth of July in the human world ((or Earth as it was called -this can be omitted until later in the story)) and a certain grey furred Psammead was worried about his friend Bronx. Bronx had been acting odd for the last few months. Now, Carley heard his friend groan. He understood ((knowing that -can be omitted))something wasn't right with Bronx. He opened a portal to Aria. As I said, the pronouns -the he, his, and she- are confusing. I don't know who is doing what. Try simpler, more direct sentences. Make sure the reader know who 'she' or 'he' refers to. A confused reader isn't likely to read any further.
Monkeyfist1234 chapter 5 . 8/11/2010
Nice fic, Carley. I'd be mad at him and hit him for what he did, but I'd forgive him for what he did. I wonder what's going to happen next?

Keep going! This is getting good!
Monkeyfist1234 chapter 4 . 8/9/2010
Bronx, you jackass! He'll regret it in the long run when his son gets older. Nice how Ogre Child got rid of her sister like that.

Why couldn't Bronx wait when Ashulu got older to see if he wanted to go to Aria or not?

Keep going! This is getting good!
Monkeyfist1234 chapter 3 . 8/8/2010
Nice and cute chapter, Carley! I know things will go back to normal when the twins get older. Well, a bit more chaotic, but what else is new.

Keep going! This is getting good!
Monkeyfist1234 chapter 2 . 8/7/2010
Nice fic, Carley. I wonder where Yuri ran off to? Understandable that she's mad because of the twins and everything, but they're little and can't take care of themselves at the moment and need help. She should know. She was a baby, too.

The cookie smoothies make me hungry, though. X3

Keep going! This is getting good!
Monkeyfist1234 chapter 1 . 8/7/2010
Nice chapter, Carley! I didn't know Psammands could do that. Just like a seahorse, but different to a certain extent.

I wonder how the twins will like us?

Keep going! This is getting good!