|Reviews for Shadows|
| moongazer7 chapter 1 . 12/31/2010
I think that this could be longer, maybe a few hundred more words. This is decent however, but I think you could slow it down a bit and add more to it too! don't rush it so much! give your readers a little more. You could go back and add some, don't tear ghrew. You could go back and add stuff. Add some concrete details for the dramatic effects. I was a littel confused as to what happened. Put some action and suspense in to it! I think it could be even more terrifying and creepy. have her run down the street but describe every moment! I think that would be horrifying. I think this would make a excellent horror story with a little more work, describe the shadows, make them even more mirky and unknown and scary. Truly show the fear! Let us be scared, really drill that emotion in! You have enough description to scare us a little but ad more detail and descriptions. be even more descriptive. be as descriptive as posible! try to cover every aspect of the objects. Make them stand out in a terrifying way! exaggerate in a believable way and use descriptive language to do that! Massage out your piece and really ad life to it!
Also, I think at the end when she dies use third person to describe how she dies and what happens. Skillfully change POVS and tell the story. I think that would really terrify the readers. Make it so that people can't sleep because even the bravest of the brave even is afraid of nightmares.
Be careful not to make the descriptive part fake and cheesy like most horror stories. You have it pretty well here, just keep up the quality, but intense the drama and horor! Put all of what you have in to this!
Over all, well done, but it could be better! good work, so far!
| Pale White Shadow chapter 1 . 8/8/2010
Very nice. A good story, and it's very admiring that you can write this way seemingly off the top of your head. I want to read more, it's very interesting. I can't sleep either, I've been up all night on my friend's computer. It's now 6 in the morning. Wonderful.