Reviews for You Lie
Faithless Juliet chapter 1 . 8/11/2010
I think the strongest aspect of this, is the narration, it has a strong ‘life’ to it, and it’s not hard for the reader to get in the mind set of the subject. You can tell that the writer/subject is fed up, at the very least and slightly simmering at best.

Things to improve on – first off, I think the piece is too short, it feels unfinished to me, like there was more that you wanted/needed to say but didn’t know how to, and what not. It also might help also if you switch up your starting words, and not use ‘don’t’ so much, it makes the piece feel blocky. Keep up the good work.

Much love,

Juliet.
Stella Dawn chapter 1 . 8/8/2010
That was so good! It was awsome and so true!
dragonflydreamer chapter 1 . 8/8/2010
Again, nice rhyme! The meter, too, is really effective. I can't tell if there's a particular patterns to it, but it felt very purposeful. Both gave this a distinct pulse, which is a great extra element considering how short this is.

[You once held me together

Now you tear me apart] Ah, yes, how true. You really capture the feeling with this ending.

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