|Reviews for Thunderbunny|
| Sasha W chapter 1 . 11/1/2010
This was really quite entertaining. I found so little mistakes that...well, actually, there were so few mistakes that I'm not really able to put my finger on a single one to tell you about. I believe that the way you properly formatted this and made it as professional as possible really helped me get into it...where I wouldn't have gotten into it as much had it been a jumbled mess. Even though it was 'just a screenplay,' the plot was enticingly unqiue and drew me in. Every new line was a treat...you like to pay attention to even the smallest points that make dialogue truly affective: voice, tone, personality, humor. Though there were no tags or descriptions of voice, I still was able to hear each individual character in a distinct way in my head.
The concept of the Thunderbunny toy was original and wonderful, and while the plot itself wasn't quite as original, it all came together in the end with a satisfying conclusion. Well done! :3
| Draden1621 chapter 1 . 10/29/2010
Quite nice, but the formating threw me off a little. Perhaps highlighting character names or something would help separate them from the text.
You did a nice job using a script format to tell this story. I've personally never heard of Thunderbunny so it was something new.
There are some parts where the bunny scares the crap out of me, and still dose at the end. Though it is a lot less creepy as you near the end of the script.
I got confused by one sentence only "Because Mommy said so and little boys should only listen to their Mommy. Right?" I'm not sure if you meant to so only, an emphasis on not listening to the bunny, but it did throw me off for a moment. Other than that your characters had very believable conversations, and general a general feel of dimension. Especially the creepy bunny.
Really enjoyed hope you write another!