|Reviews for Crescent Moon|
| Michael Howard chapter 16 . 12/1/2010
Here's hoping Laurel isn't one of those guys who doesn't really mean it when he says call me 8-)
And also that you mean when you say this is just the "first Alix Cohen" adventure!
| Michael Howard chapter 15 . 12/1/2010
Interesting. Perhaps other "angels" or more generically, other apparently supernatural beings from the assorted cultures of mankind, are also chosen guardians from the Tower.
True or not this was a satisfying wrap-up to the story.
| Michael Howard chapter 14 . 12/1/2010
Looking forward to "next time" but am also curious to see how the boy who "hates" her now acts with Alix.
| Michael Howard chapter 13 . 12/1/2010
The escape from the Brotherhood was so abrupt here the reader really never had a chance to feel either tension or relief. Too bad because their chosen weapon is quite intriguing.
| Michael Howard chapter 12 . 12/1/2010
Nice job conveying the alien otherness of the cat-people. It gives a concreteness to the story.
| Michael Howard chapter 11 . 12/1/2010
This is a short one even by your standards but I still have a few questions.
In the third paragraph, are both of the speeches in parentheses coming from Samn? It seems a bit odd to have Alix's thoughts separating comments from the same person without ever changing to a new line.
And finally, that last line/paragraph on this installment, is Alix making a broad political statement there or referring to the actions of the Brotherhood across the multi-verse setting of this story?
| Michael Howard chapter 10 . 12/1/2010
(Sorry for the delay in reviewing. Fiction Press was acting funky every time I went on it yesterday. Shocker, I know).
Yes, the parentheses work just fine for silent speech. And the same high marks go to your writing style which moves your protagonist along in an efficient and entertaining manner.
My only quibble here was the following sentence:
"I spot blue bananas hanging from a bush, and resist the temptation to try one by drinking from my water bottle."
I had to read that one three times because I kept wondering how you drink a banana (blue or otherwise) from a water bottle? Do a favor for your less astute readers and put an "instead" on the end of the sentence.
| Michael Howard chapter 9 . 11/25/2010
Gr. I didn't realize when I started reading this one that it wasn't completed. Well, there are hundreds of abandoned stories on Fiction Press but I hope this won't become one of them. The premise is enjoyable and you have a naturalistic writing style that is a pleasure to read.
Nobody could accuse you of padding your work with unnecessary words. You say a great deal in a very economical fashion. And you leave the reader wanting more!
| Michael Howard chapter 8 . 11/25/2010
I actually liked the pinion joke but prefer that Alix and Aaron get separate lines when conversing (telepathically or not).
What kind of number is 055-9194-314-15939 and how could AC dial it if she and Laurel occupy different dimensions (as they say on 'Doctor Who' think of the roaming charges!)
| Michael Howard chapter 7 . 11/25/2010
Weird question here: is there any intended link between a clarinet reed and Aaron Gold Reed?
| Michael Howard chapter 6 . 11/25/2010
The story is moving along nicely here. Nothing to kick about so instead I'll ask a question. Any particular reason you decided on present tense for this work?
| Michael Howard chapter 5 . 11/25/2010
Okay, up to speed on the whys and wheres now, but questioning how come an inter-dimensional war can only be diverted by a high school student prone to fainting (low blood sugar problem perhaps?) Hopefully Alix will have some kind of assistance on her mission here - or at least that she's made of sterner stuff than appears at first glance.
BTW the concept of the Tower is an intriguing one, and if AC does come through here, it could offer virtually unlimited sequel potential.
| Michael Howard chapter 4 . 11/25/2010
Well, duh. This is the first time I realized you weren't putting quote marks around the "dream" conversations. Or maybe in the earlier chapters the conversations were being presented indirectly, I'm not sure. My guess is that the quote marks were omitted to suggest a sense of unreality, differentness (to create an unwieldy term) but sometimes writing tricks like that can pull the reader out of the moment as much as they suggest atmosphere and mood. And line three of this installment is very awkward IMO.
But that's the exception here because generally speaking, you have a very smooth and competent writing style. It was good even from the first, oldest, work on this website and it gets more compelling with each new story I read of yours.
(BTW I think it's very unlikely, if not physiologically impossible, for a young man to blush when confronted with the sight of a naked female. If he's a decent guy he would turn away, and perhaps he could sympathize with her embarrassment, but I just don't see blushing as the expected autonomic response there.)
| Michael Howard chapter 3 . 11/25/2010
I was thrown off a bit by the lack of italics here, like all the earlier dreams were. Maybe because this moment isn't like the others?
| Michael Howard chapter 2 . 11/25/2010
Intriguing parallels between reality and dreams are occurring. And Alix was certainly very blasé about that "flash of blue-white light." Guess that'll be explained later.