Reviews for What She Drove
JaredB chapter 1 . 8/12/2010
Hey, J.T.

First off, congradulations on you're upcoming novel :) best of luck.

Now, I love the *idea* of the story. But I think that you spent way too much time *telling* us about how the car felt so constricting and sickening to the main character but you never actually *show* us. Right off the bat, in the first paragraph, you're telling us that the character never felt comfortable in it, and that the leather gripped his clothes ... stuff that you could have easily showed us in a scene. Perhaps he's asked to go to the store or someplace with Tara, and he shows some unusual hesitance: that would key the reader in that there was a reason for that, or probably. You know what I mean? It really kills the THRILLER part of the story. Espescially since the character made the connection so soon that Stacy was like, a part of the car.

The scene with the motorcycle went by way to fast with way too little details. By 'details', I'm not talking about when you mentioned that "the motorcycle had been nearing a 100 mph" because the main character wouldn't know that. All he'd know was that it was moving FAST, WAY too fast. And when the impact finally came, it didn't seem intense at all, because you didn't add details. What did the main character feel? Well, he'd feel his whole world being spun, he'd fel his face being smashed against the airbags. But you since you didn't add these details, it just seemed kind of 'meh'. And then, I know little to nothing about Tara, because you didn't *SHOW* us anything, you only *told* us, so i felt really nothing when she died. It wasn't a tension builder for me at all, but this is just me personally.

But, I did like the ending. It was very weird, and I liked that :)

Good luck again on your novel man. Happy writing!