Reviews for CinderElliot
Choseporfante chapter 10 . 9/11/2011
King Stefan is such a... Gawd, child molester!

This is really getting good. I'm so sad that there won't be more for some time, though (
Choseporfante chapter 1 . 9/11/2011
That's what i thought too, when i saw the title, that it was some version of Cinderella. But as i read it, it did not resemble Cinderella at all, although there were some similarities. But a lot of stories have such similarities also.
words are all I have chapter 10 . 3/8/2011
Chapter nine/ten :P I think that the cross dressing thing is a bit too far, and it seems like Charming is mocking Elliot with that. Cristian seems like an unnecessary complication because he goes away far too quickly. I think you solve your problems in this story too easily. I like it, and I think what you should do is take a look at it, edit it, and put it back up before adding more. (its just my opinion and I enjoyed reading it but if you want to ask anything I'm always happy to help, I'm not a professional or anything but I like to think I can give useful points, or at least I hope I can cause otherwise I just posted about ten long and pointless reviews) Anyway xD good work, just tidy it up (:
words are all I have chapter 9 . 3/8/2011
Chapter... eight? :P Right. The scarf. If it covers his whole face except his eyes and mouth... it covers his nose :L which is completely pointless. I still think the king seems way too accepting of the two, and the shopping trip is cute, but Elliot really has to make up his mind, one minute he's teasing and kissing Charming, then he's annoyed at the fact that he has to bathe him? Its a bit confusing.. and also, "Its alright, lets just go home" doesnt really sound sweet... and Charming is smiling at how sweet the thing he said was when it wasnt really sweet at all it was just, normal :P Still, it is a nice story and you've improved as its gone on.. is the twelve to twenty thing a rating? if so, fifteen on the entire thing, because its quite messy and confusing but has a good idea, and seventeen on this chapter because its good though theres a few things you should fix (:
words are all I have chapter 8 . 3/8/2011
Chapter seven.. Again, suddenly Elliot hates Charming, and why is the king nice to Elliot now? and why is he so ok with Elliot and Charming? The mother seems to be kind of a pushover.. and I dont understand why Elliot would let the king kiss him, it makes no sense.. I think this chapter needs to be rethought just so that it makes more sense to the reader because i'm not really sure whats going on.
words are all I have chapter 7 . 3/8/2011
Chapter... six? :P Ok, Firstly, its a bit creepy that Elliot keeps saying how like his mother Charming is.. its like if you were going out with someone exactly like one of your parents which would be weird but then if you kept saying it to them.. well thats just.. weird :P And I think Elliot really overreacts to the smallest things, I feel kind of bad for Charming because he's trying to be nice and Elliot is quite frankly being a bit of an ass to him :L And what the hell kind of chocolate is that expensive? :O The vase, ok it was fancy and crystal. But three pounds really is not that much, and it is unrealistically expensive in this story :P the car and the credit card do well in tying up the modern parts which you started with the phone, so well done on that (:
words are all I have chapter 6 . 3/8/2011
Chapter.. five? or six.. i think :L Right.. The king is far too ok with the fact that his son was kissing Elliot. And he really doesnt seem like the kind of person who would negotiate with Elliot his punishments.. the phone was a bit confusing too.. its a good contrast, but nothing else is modern.. so if you added in some things like cars or television or something then the phone would seem less out of place. Or even take out the phone and have him get a letter or something? And I think the love thing is a bit full on, there were some "I love you"s before which were a little soon in my opinion but now its a bit too much, just tone it down a little I think. And I'm sorry, but the "Queen Elliot" and "King Charming" part? it was cute yet really really stereotypical at the same time.. I dunno it just made me cringe a little and I'm most definitely not against homosexuality (i'm bi) but it just seemed far too.. camp i guess.. it was almost as if that one little bit was making fun of the fact that they're gay, rather than showing it, if that makes sense.
words are all I have chapter 5 . 3/8/2011
Chapter.. four? five? Chapter four.. fifth chapter :P there we go. Ok, so just because you know it, doesnt mean your characters know it. Why would charming have any reason to assume that the King has been raping or sexually assaulting Elliot? His random assumption makes it seem as if his father has been doing those things to him also, because there is no other reason to say why he might ask such a question. Elliot seems a little bipolar to be honest, first he loves Charming, then he hates him, loves him, hates him, wont let him touch him, has always loved him, then kisses him. Its a little weird, he shouldnt change his mind so much. And the bit where Charming suddenly remembers seeing Elliot at the funeral, its a bit too easy. First he has no recollection, then suddenly oh yes now he remembers it perfectly. You need to watch things like that. But I really like the story so far, its really cute (: I think Lina should have been brought in earlier because she seems to be a really good mother figure for Elliot.
words are all I have chapter 4 . 3/8/2011
right.. this is confusing. If elliot really did love Charming, why was he so uncomfortable and horrified with the undressing, the kiss and the "naked man" in the bath? also, the gay couple? I think that is overdoing it. Is every single person in this story attracted to men? The king has now moved to another kind of abuse, which is ok it doesnt really mess with the story except for the fact that it really does make every person attracted to men :P just maybe take out the gay friends elliot has, I think that would make it better, or keep them as his friends but make them straight to balance it out a little. And why the hell does elliot have to wear a dress? I think your problem is that you are putting in things without explaining them, so to the reader, there is absolutely no reason for it, even though you may have one in your head. Just remember that if you think it, you have to write it because you know the story and I dont.
words are all I have chapter 3 . 3/8/2011
Chapter 3.. well.. 2.. but the third one :P This chapter is far far better, you concentrated on the one issue and created great conflict, I found that little internal speech Charming had hilarious when he said "Fuck Elliot.." That was brilliant xD When the King seems to imply that Charming and Elliot could have been, I'm going to assume, doing sex related things in the forest, I thought that was a little uncalled for, because firstly, why on earth would he suspect that? He would need to have suspicions before this to say something like that, and if he really thought something was going on, based on his character so far, he would not have dropped it so easily. But it was a major improvement from the first two (:
words are all I have chapter 2 . 3/8/2011
right chapter two... who the hell is Florence Gale? and why is Elliot happy to see her? That was a little out of the blue :P And another issue, the King has stolen inheritance (the existence of which wasn't mentioned before) starves the servants, and tells his son its ok to cheat on your wife. Thats three new ones, your just throwing them at me now :P This chapter was better with the general writing, and it was a little easier to follow. I liked the cute part at the end with Charming and Elliot, the "You dont have to call me sir" part. It was adorable _ Again, the main point is tidy it up dear, choose one or two main issues to deal with because its a bit too complicated (:
words are all I have chapter 1 . 3/8/2011
Ok so the first chapter.. I like the idea... but i'm very confused. You raise too many different issues in this small piece, such as death, cruelty, abuse, the whole royalty-commoners thing, homosexuality in thirteen year olds? I think it would be best if you stuck with one or two, perhaps if you edited it so that the boys were maybe a bit older when they fell in love as you put it, and they knew eachother before hand making it more believable, (doing this you could create more conflict in the minds of the boys, as in do i, dont i, am I supposed to like girls, is this wrong etc) and if you wanted to bring in another issue then maybe the abuse when the king finds out about this, as back in the times of castles and royalty, homosexuality was quite unheard of especially in important families. If you do go back and edit it, please do tell me and I will read through again and help you out because think it is a really good concept, just a little messy at the moment.
AmandaHold chapter 10 . 10/1/2010
i think this has an interesting plot. like the way it's kind of based off of cinderella, but is a completely different story.
CCKins chapter 10 . 9/22/2010
Yaya! Finished reading the story so far! Oh, what a lovely story! I really likes it, cus I didn't see most of the things coming (sexually speaking), and also oh so sweet and romantic! Whenever the next chapter comes out, it will, and I bet it will be just as good!
Chariline chapter 10 . 9/15/2010
He, FANSERVICE~! xD Nice writing! I see you're sticking with that new sentence structure-and I like it. (Haa, made me think of Enrique Iglesias just now. :P)

Poor insecure little Elliot. xD Charming will teach him the ways of /everything/. ;D

Oh, and I gotta say, I was not expecting that weirdo Cristian to show up. . Good job for Elliot keeping his cool and not exploding like any other person would have! xDD

I liked it~

Feel better!

Hearts, Chari!
45 | Page 1 .. Last Next »