|Reviews for A Cliche|
| thefaultinourpatronus chapter 1 . 1/26/2011
The beginning para is just AWESOME! Either I'm overly hyper right now, or it really was great... I think it's the latter ;) The imagery is nice, plus all the figurative-ness of it. I like the dramatics, and the attitude. Nice work! (:
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 1 . 9/5/2010
Firstly, the imagery; it works really well. The mosquito metaphor worked great to draw the reader in. The anger really shows through, especially at the start, but as it goes on it feels like it's kind of being worked through - it becomes more biting, sharper and sarcastic, yet the ending gives the feeling that whoever the anger's directed at, it seems like they've now been kind of brushed aside, that kind of "I can't be bothered wasting my time on you anymore" attitude? Anyway, great poem, really enjoyed reading it. Nice work.
| white wolf97 chapter 1 . 8/28/2010
ok, wait, what the flapjack do "irk" mean? thought it was just a nonsense word but i guess i was wrong... hehe...
to me it sounded feminist, so GO AVID! :D
new chapter up for The White Wolf, if you want to check it out.
| William G. Thorne chapter 1 . 8/16/2010
you know what they say: your muse is always stronger at night because the veil between the world of dreams and our world is thin. atleast that is what my mother taught me...
oh and don't go to sleep angry! (dont know who said that to me or what happens when you do, I guess its something about having nightmares...)
anyway, I digress... I love the emotion you put into this poem, i easpecially like the line "for your choking on cotton" that is wonderful imagery. wonderful work as always :)
| Kobra Kid chapter 1 . 8/15/2010
Wow, this was definitely full of hatred & vengeance. But, I can understand that, since I wrote the last two poems in Twisted Logic out of both rage & sadness.
Anyways, I really liked it. You used a lot of great comparisons, such as the judge, knight & mosquito. Really creative & well thought out. :).
And I have my own share of cliches. I lost a few friends to it here and there, but then I realized I'm fine without them, just how your poem ended off!
Great job! It was powerful & had a strong message! :)
P.S. I tend to write really hardcore stuff when I'm angry or up at 1:30 am...:) haha
| DarkHawk14 chapter 1 . 8/15/2010
The first thing that impressed me was how you could think of so many expressions / figures of speech, and somehow make them work into a poem like this.
I thought "But you, you're truly an enigma wrapped inside
A Riddle, warped by
Theology and you're own
Biased Theories." was a great description of your subject (you used the wrong "your/you're" the second time, though). It made it even more clear what type of person the subject is.
The only negative I have is just that it gets a bit long, but that's just my opinion.
Keep up the good work, I love creative works like this!
DarkHawk14 from the Roadhouse
Payback via 'Nightmare in Gray' or 'All Aboard the Leviathan' would be great. :)
| Vernelley chapter 1 . 8/14/2010
Some nice imagery here, all the metaphors and similes etc. It's an interesting concept too, of people becoming clichés. Don't think I've seen anyone write about that before, but it's true. I could feel the irritation and frustration, plus a lot of the imagery and figurative stuff really emphasised that. Interesting piece.
| deefective chapter 1 . 8/14/2010
Hmm. On one hand, I love the emotion in this. It isn't biting or very raw, as emotion is usually represented, but it's cool, calculating and you tear down your subject in a very much heartless style. It's refreshing, almost. I liked that the voice was consistent throughout. You were "I don't need you" the whole time. There's an informal tone to this but it wasn't sloppy and all over the place. It was almost like a letter, but it was written excellently. Also, if I'm not mistaken, I caught on to a little Twilight allusion there.
"I'm too much of a lion, for your lamb-ish tastes,
That was perfectly executed. Very nice. My favorite line though was:
"You don't understand me, good sir.
You know nothing of my dreams."
Just because it was very dramatic and powerful and it was just pure poetry. Lovely, really.
On the other hand, though, I thought this went on far too long. At one point you were saying the same thing almost thrice but in different ways that were unneeded. I get that you wanted to get most of this out but really, it could have been much shorter and you could've kept the better parts in. The quality of the writing wavers in this. At some points, it's quite excellent and great but then it falters a bit and those faltering parts just didn't sound right. I caught a few more allusions in this but you didn't pack a punch behind them to make them stick. The ending fizzled in comparison to the strong beginning but it wasn't bad, just not as strong. But other than that, nicely done.
| Sercus Kaynine chapter 1 . 8/14/2010
Love that you started this with a description of a mosquito, haha. That's definitely something I've never seen before. You continued the pest theme with words like "itch", "sucked dry", and "weasel" and I thought that was really creative.
It was nice to read a poem with some attitude. A lot of poems come off either whiny or whimsical, so it was nice to see one with some spunk.