|Reviews for Here be Dragons|
| Guest chapter 2 . 9/8/2011
Not bad. Not as engaging as the last chapter, but works anyway.
Sashia? Nice character, with personality. I like the categorization in particular, i.e, limpets, fixtures, etc.
Oh, and the part about Brian was a little bit odd, but okay, understandable,more or less.
Your characters have a tendency to be more intellectual and emotional, a feature very apparent in your works.
But still, kinda wished that this story will continue. In a way, I think this story is more interesting than Artificial Cunning.
| kuronekoevan chapter 1 . 9/7/2011
This is one of your better works, that is, from your works that so far I've read, I give you that. It's densely packed with wit, but maybe too dense for the average (often sleepy) reader. Lucky I can appreciate 76% of them, and that's already enough to make the story enjoyable.
I know you are an expert in phraseology, this work is an excellent example of that.
You have your own style of writing, and it IS unconventional. The imagery is, weird, but the musings of the characters, and the dialogue exchanges are, smart, but perhaps too smart for the average reader to understand, especially when your story is 9000 words a chapter.
Although some of the exchanges were a little bit confusing, like the one with the liar bird. I only understood the bit about the Pinocchio paradox. (Like, what would happen if Pinocchio said, my nose will grow). I find the exchange with Boot easier to enjoy.
The last bit on the formula of magic was genius, but too bad I think not many can appreciate it. I myself took eight minutes to digest it, but when I strike on the idea, it was like, "Hey,it makes sense!", so, yeah, it's a great theory. Maybe not many readers are as lucky. Especially when they have short attention spans, or prefer mindless reading over... um,your kind of stories.
Although, Bryan seems to be a bit unbelievable for a ten-year-old. He's kinda too smart for his age, but, that doesn't make this story any less enjoyable.
Maybe if the story is broken into shorter chapters, and the paragraphs, spaced better, it would make a more appealing read to the public.
Well,that's all. Haven't read your works for quite a while.
| Queen of the Shadylands chapter 1 . 10/18/2010
Okay, I've only gotten a part way through because I have to go to bed soon due to early morning property serching tomorrow (I want a new view from my palace windows), which you didn't really need to know but there it is.
Firstly I suggest you make the chapters somewhat shorter because I'm lazy and like to read things bit by bit and also because it's difficult to comment on it all when there is so much, afterall there is only so much space in these comment boxes. By the time I get to the other end I have forgotten half of the things I wanted to mention. Plus I really am lazy with a short attension span... oh shiney...
So far so good. Lovely strong opening with a delightful description of the parents as standard issue. Some lovely (oh dear I've used that word again, where's the thesaurus... can't find it, never mind) decriptions of the room and the bits and pieces in the draws. The bit about dragons being too heavy to fly really made me giggle as that is something a friend of my says every time she sees a dragon “That dragon could so never fly” It could do with a bit more of a description of the boy though. You left it a bit open with my intial guess of him being ten untill his first words 'What kind of idiot architect...' sounding far too mature for a ten year old (or at least few ten year olds that I know) and his knowlegde about the nothern and southern wood was a tad random for a young boy. You may go on latter to describe him but I have not yet reached that, which means it's a tad late. A basic description in the early paragraphs would be good. (I openly admit that this is all really hypocritical as I hate doing description and aviod it at length, particulary with people as I rarely have an image in my own head of the character which makes it really hard)
‘"camping's" as he called them*.
*Despite frequent assurances…’ unsure why this was marked down rather than simply continuing as the next sentence, presuming this is one editing things you talked about on your profile. I think it works as a following sentence to end the paragraph.
‘Brian let go of the boot as though it had become made of red hot iron.’ By saying ‘the’ boot, it made think that you had previously mentioned the boot and that I had missed a sentence somewhere, which I do occasionally do. I think saying ‘It was a (brief description) boot, which Brian now dropped as though it were made of red hot iron.’ I am intergued by this talking boot and shall read on when I can.
This is the only review I can offer for this chapter but should you wish me to comment on the rest then do say and I shall send my review via the messages on your profile page. Should you wish me to shut up and stop talking rubbish (in which I am fluent) then I shall be royally offended, by which I mean I'll go okay, shrug my shoulders and um... basically do very little.
Yours sleepily (sleepily? What's wrong with me it's only half ten!)
Queen of the Shadylands.
| Skylark1 chapter 1 . 8/16/2010
Hmm, this is very difficult to read. I suggest placing a line break between each paragraph to make it easier on the eyes of your readers!
In general, I like the idea, but the story's very dialogue-heavy at the moment, especially at the beginning. I think you'd do well to include a little extra description, perhaps slow down the pace of events a bit. I'd like to get to know Brian's character some more before the action kicks in!