|Reviews for Bulletproof|
| R. Ficst chapter 27 . 10/5/2012
Interesting. I'd like to see you add a little more development and description, but good work all the same
| alexisrenee chapter 27 . 9/13/2012
Oh this was so sweet! The relationship between these two men is just adorably touching.
| Srahil chapter 27 . 6/27/2012
"When he goes to speak, his mouth is dry, as filled with the sands of the Sahara."
Have I mentioned that I don't like it when things end/I'm not ready for the ending? Okay. I have. *tries to read slowly to make it seem longer*
"He shifts, uncomfortable by his realization."
Uhm, another missing word or maybe something else could be done to fix this?
"Riley can sense his fear, the man within his arms tense."
Erikaaaa. Am I just tired or is this not your usual perfection? Anyway, this seems wrong. I'm too tired to know if it is wrong, or how it is wrong...
Okay. Okay. (I'm not okay, Erika.)
It's sofluffy... Why am I sad? (Because Theo is just so cute and helpless and... Yeah. Everything about him just makes me sad and yet at the same time all like "d'awwwww, he's so cute.")
Nice job. I'm glad you finally typed it up and finished it!
And I love you.
I love you a lot, so go write the other one now. :)
| Srahil chapter 26 . 6/25/2012
"It was if he was used to all the horror."
You missed a word.
Otherwise, perfect as always. At least to my untrained eyes. I'm just not as good at looking for things while reading as you are.
Somehow the last two lines were very sad. Even though I know it's okay now and everything... TT
It's like losing Theo all over again... except without the rush of having to find him to cover up the sadness.
Thank you for updating! (I know I bothered you about this enough.. or too much. Oh well. I'm too happy that you updated to care that I was annoying.)
| Srahil chapter 24 . 2/11/2012
I wasn't going to bother reviewing this chapter... But then I thought, "why not?"
So yes... Brilliant, excellent... I think you've already told me who is shot... But, still... suspenseful.
| Srahil chapter 23 . 2/11/2012
Ahhh, his partner.
"Only in the story for one chapter" except you lied to me!
(I still love you, for lying in order to not ruin the story.)
So, overall great chapter. I would have read/reviewed it the minute I got the alert, but fp wasn't working for me.
I would like to suggest more foreshadowing? I might just be like, completely blind to hints and stuff, but skimming back through, we were even in the guy's head, sorta, for a little while... But the first thing that I found that really seemed like any sort of clue was the beginning of chapter 19.
Ily. Keep writing and updating and stuff. :)
| Srahil chapter 22 . 1/25/2012
Yay! he got Theo Back. :)
But on a less cheerful note... I can totally feel that it's getting close to the end... So, yeah... :(
Also... I like the way this chapter ends. With the foot.
As far as I can see, no mistakes. :)
There were a few things with maybe punctuation though? Just places where I think your punctuation was probably right, but it could be done other ways too...
| Srahil chapter 21 . 1/21/2012
So, I started a few chapters back (to get the story back in my head and all) and I don’t mean to be confusing by bringing up stuff from previous chapters, but in chapter 18 there’s this:
“The sneering meant aren't his usual handlers”
And there are a few more in that chapter/the chapters after that… I feel like you’d be able to look back on them with fresh eyes and catch them, so I won’t waste time listing them out when I’d rather be reading chapter 21, which is what I am actually reviewing? Sorry. It’s been a while.
So, this chapter feels only slightly different than the others I just read. There's something that sort of felt darker/creepier the first time I read it... Reading it again, I think it's the snake/princess metaphor. Comparing Theo to a princess feels kind of strange, but I think I like it.
"Tell me where Theo is." Riley insists again.
That period should be a comma. (Sorry, pet peeve...)
It's one of the things that we constantly had to go over with people in creative writing. Sentence continues- no period.
"The gangster's eyes weaver"
Anyway, thank you for updating. It's been so long, and I'm glad you're getting back to this. It's all dark and violent, and so.. you?
I'm just really glad you're back. :)
| Srahil chapter 20 . 8/17/2011
Do thugs usually just like chat with police officers? Especially ones with guns... I don't think I'd try to piss Riley off just for a laugh... then again, not all cops pull the trigger so quickly...
Sorry... Chapter 19 just felt.. casual... Like "oh, hey... there's this guy with this gun.. let's try our best to piss him off and insult him. Ha-"
Then chapter 20 was really short.. So.. yeah.
I did promise to try harder... (rereading my past reviews now, to try to regain my general feeling for the story... It's surprising how much I can forget...)
Also, I've met some pretty nice baby cows lately. They were really shy, and kind of sick.. but they were being nursed back to health. After a few years, they turn into shy, insecure bulls who I want to take home with me. Unfortunately (or, probably it's pretty great...) I don't live on a farm. End pointless story. return to compliments.
I love this story. Theo hasn't gotten to be all cute with Riley, since he's been all stolen and stuff... But Riley's been cool, getting Theo back and being somewhat bad-ass about it. :)
Just... in the case of the terrible, terrible bad guy... I can sort of understand where his greed is coming from. Who wouldn't want a pet like Theo? Okay, so people who aren't completely twisted need not apply.. Buttt... I'm the type of person who thinks owning people is OKAY. At least, in fiction it is... In real life, no...:(
| hanagima chapter 20 . 8/15/2011
I LOVE YOUR WORK!
| sapere chapter 16 . 2/24/2011
Riley! Please save him soon!
thanks for the update :)
| Nakehaton chapter 15 . 2/21/2011
Oh no! Poor Theo.
First he has to go sit with that woman, and now he's been taken... I think.. Riley should take better care of him... x.x
I dunno. I'm trying to review, but don't know what to say. Other than saying how it's always as good as it always is, I kind of feel like there is nothing to do, but continue to blatantly compliment you without actually doing it. And I'm lazy... So, sorry for the lack of actual review. I'll try harder next time.
| TheScript-MF chapter 14 . 2/18/2011
I love this so much! In my head, I imagine Theo to be so cute, but it appears it's not just me! ;) please update soon? ;)
| Insanity chapter 14 . 2/16/2011
I love this so far, and I'm definately looking forward to more! :P
| Nakehaton chapter 12 . 2/10/2011
Aww. Learning! And Walking! YAY!
And Aw, he says "owch" and I imagine it being so adorable.
I feel bad, for not really having much to say in reviews. Other than the same general praise as always...
It continues to amaze me that Theo is so amazing. (By that, I mean he is able to make progress and make good judgement about Riley even though he hasn't had experience with kindhearted people.)
And you see, I think I've already mentioned liking that about him. Probably because it really says a lot about Riley's character as well.
And so... This is basically to just remind you that the story is marvelous and I'm sure you'll keep up the good work. :)