|Reviews for The story of Set and Horus: Catilina x Cicero|
| CC chapter 21 . 4/4/2012
Awesome, Ancient Rome fic! This is amazing" Please, please update soon your writing style is so beautiful!
| reviewer chapter 21 . 3/28/2012
great chapter hope you update soon!
| Humpy chapter 14 . 3/25/2012
So I have started to read this because Dani(SSLE I think) told me that there a fic about Cicero. I've been trying to convince her to write something about him for quite a while now (But alas, her greatest love continues to be Modern History). As for me, even though I do bear some reservation regarding what people call slash (not because I'm against it or something of the sort; it's just because sometimes people can't play it right) you have managed this unlikely though irresistible pairing quite well. I have studied classics for a while (only to change to law) so you can see why Cicero is an old favourite of mine, this is why I'm so happy to see a fic about him. You make it sound as if a relationship between those two is inevitable. They are pulled towards each other, it's amazing how you manage it.
I also think quite interesting that even though you give us some hindsight on Cicero's feelings (Who is obviously in love with Catilina) we're kept in the dark regarding the Senator. For all we know, Catilina could be taking advantage of Cicero. I'm amazed that that idea hasn't yet seriously crossed the Consul's mind. I look forward to see where you're going with this and how they're going to deal with their feelings.
| Ondaran chapter 21 . 3/25/2012
Yes, yes an update! I'm so happy, genuinely happy that you decided to update this story. Totally made my week when I saw it! I've no idea how to solve your little problem but from my experience that kind of things tend to be the site's fault so it will probably go back to normal soon.
About the chapter. I must say that I enjoyed how you introduced something about Cicero's past, that's something that one always wonders about him, his personal life, his personal feelings, he tried so hard to portray himself in a certain virtuous way, hiding what can only be his true self that we don't really know about Cicero's passions, so I'm glad that you decided to put in that quirk about Selene. Even because, I wouldn't find plausible a story that claimed somehow that Cicero was an pure and hard homossexual who kept his identity hidden from everyone else.
This way it sounds like he's in love (oh because dear Marcus it is love!) because of Catilina because of what Catilina is, of the attraction he feels for him not for men in general. It makes their bound even stronger.
Thank you for this update! Hope to hear from you soon again!
| Ondaran chapter 20 . 3/22/2012
It's no doubt a pity you don't have pictures of them naked! ;) Just kidding. Anyway, there are some things I want to say now that I have finished it. First, that I really enjoy how you play their characters. Catilina is so charming, so funny, just as I imagine he would be. And Cícero is brilliant, witty, sarcastic, and just enough inapt and timid. Not quite a coward in my opinion but a politician.
Secondly, I've seen what you wrote on your profile about this fic. Honestly, I think that the lack of politics fits just well in here. It's not quite the lack of it: their political situation is always omnipresent, they can't get away from it (Which by the way is masterfully done on your part). But I don't think there is an actual need for them to be discussing politics all the time and there is no need for the fic to be political all the time.
Because deep down this is not about political intrigue. It's about a forbidden attraction and the reason why it's forbidden it's because of the political situation. It's always there but I don't think you should feel bad (?) because it isn't political enough. It is; just maybe not in the way you would initially have planned.
I'm saying this because I think this story is really very, very well written and you have a talent to transmit their feelings in a perfect manner. I love your Cícero and I love your Catilina. And especially, Marcus Minor who's sooo cute and so smart. It's like in a strange manner, he's the best of both Cícero and Catilina.
I have enjoyed this story greatly and I can only hope (or rather beg) that you update. In the 19th chapter you said that you were even preparing a sequel or at least considering that chance. Please, don't abandon these ideas (both continuing this fic and the sequel). I realize that the lack of reviews can put an author off (We've all been there) but this story has so much quality and these two so much potential. If I knew more about Cicero as I would like to (And as time would allow me to) I would no doubt write something about him, regardless of the reviews. And I'm much less talented than you. So please, make an effort to update to tell us how this will end and eventually how this will continue.
I hope I'm not presumptuous but if you would need any help, any kind of brainstorming, I would gladly give it. Best wishes until then.
| Ondaran chapter 14 . 3/22/2012
So here I am reviewing again though you are probably a bit tired from this boresome reviewer by now. But in any case, I would like to comment on what I've read until now before I forget. First, the sex scenes between Cicero and Catilina are very well written and very well managed. It's very rare to find someone who can actually write a sex scene without making it sound cheap or vulgar. You make it sound very realistic, especially with Cicero being the hesitant part. I also love how they seem to be falling actually in love with each other but try to deny it or at least the idea hasn't even crossed their mind.
It's perfect. Thank you so much for this story :D
| Ondaran chapter 7 . 3/22/2012
First, I'm glad you introduced me to this website. Though I've been a frequent of I wasn't aware of the existence of this site. Secondly, I'm still in the process of reading your story which as always I find so very interesting. Cicero as I said before is a character that interests me, though my knowledge of him and of his times doesn't even compare to yours.
So now I will happily continue to read the fic!
| Anonymous chapter 19 . 2/2/2011
Only three reviews? That's terrible. This is definitely worth more than three reviews. I greatly look forward to seeing the next part :D
| sophiesix chapter 1 . 1/4/2011
Oh i liked your history summary: short but to the point and very much needed as I have somehow missed learning any more than primary school level Roman history :) On that note, a little more detail would be appreciated too. Great concept, though, to put these two together! I've always wondered what the prevailing attitudes were to homosexuality or bisexuality, so i'm realy enjoying the chance to find out :)
I like the opening: it's direct, introducing us to teh two main protagonists straight away, and giving us all sort of clues to begin their personalities. already i have teh feeling that teh prisoner is handling this situation more masterfully.
"Catilina didn't even spare him a glance as he dropped his hands back to his sides, eyes still fixed on Cicero, and the orator took a deep breath and tried to think. " to me, this is a run-on sentence, and would be better as two sentences at 'and', to make teh last phrase stand out better and have more impact. POtentioally, you could cut 'Catilina didn't even spare him a glance as' because that's understood when you say 'eyes still fixed on Cicero'?
" Isn't it enough for you to cower every time you walk out the door? " poor ciciero, you really get teh idea that his pride (or something) has forced him to defile his sanctuary here. i feel for him.
"he would come to believe his defence." lol, here's hoping ;)
"Terentia who was not the delicate creature he had always envisioned marrying when he was younger" ooh i love that image: it makes teh scene really real to me that his wife is taller than him and not a sycophant. I like her already, though she scares me a bit too XD
"'I do not think anything of you anymore,' " ouch! nice.
"stubbornly convinced that she was right and her husband was wrong" i'm not sure you need this either? i think her attitude comes well in her actions and words, and so this feels a little redundant/ tellish?
"was still not entirely over the shock of leaving the family home " ooh i like that. makes me envisage a wide eyed, frightened girl, but somewhat sheltered/ spoilt too.
Oh! fancy having teh hide to wink at her! and cicero does nothing? oh dear, he's really at this guys mercy, isn't he?
"'Unlike some people I don't ogle my own daughter.'
" haha, nice one. So it seems, potentially that Catilina may not be interested in tullia except as a means to needle Cicero, heh heh.
ah, interesting chat they have. you can sense Cicero's annoyance and defensiveness. I don't know much about Cicero (at all), but i had teh idea that, as you say, he was famous for his words. but here, he seems to avoid teh real arguement - perhaps he is just too annoyed to deal with Catalina, or its not a topic that he is comfortable arguing about, but i thought it would've been a good opportunity to show more of his 'way with words'? Catalina comes across as a better debater, and Cicero rather.. well aggressive, rather than eloquent, lol. on teh other hand, it reinforces that really Catalina has teh upper hand here.
A pleasure to read!
| this wild abyss chapter 1 . 1/1/2011
I enjoyed how you jumped right into the plot at the beginning and didn't make the reader wait for things to happen. That sort of thing sometimes doesn't really work so well, but for you here, I thought it was fine.
The relationship and tension between Catalina and Cicero was well-played, I thought. You made it clear their feelings and personal thoughts, though I did think you should have put in a bit more historical background, just because you've somewhat thrown these characters at readers and expected them to know who they are. But you've made their interactions believable, at least.
Spelling and grammar-wise, I've noticed that you leave off a lot of commas in places where they are needed. Particularly between dependent clauses and after the conjunction in a compound sentence. That sort of thing really makes it hard to grasp the meaning of the sentence at first glance, so fixing it up wouldn't be a bad idea.
The scene where the two men discuss religion was really quite interesting, I found. I remember in my mythology class bringing up the same point, that the gods were too petty and humanistic. That was a well-played conversation, and very realistic considering who the characters were.
Overall, I thought this was a wonderful start to a plo. I really enjoyed your characterization of these two characters, and you established the plot fairly well, though I think more background information is needed.
| LaFarfalla chapter 1 . 1/1/2011
Your syntax was good for the most for part, however, I did find several technical errors, mostly involving comma usage. For example, "Though Catilina's tone had been light however his eyes were cold" should be "Though Catilina's tone had been light, however, his eyes were cold" and "Without thinking he had left them outside" should be "Without thinking, he had left them outside." Also there were a couple of sentences that could easily be reworked and improved like "This way he would have to defend himself and, perhaps, he would come to believe his defence and so convince himself that his actions were right."
I thought your characterization was good. In a short amount of time, you were able to introduce several different characters effectively. I was able to get a feel for all their respective personalities, especially Catilina.
Your dialogue was realistic and believable even though it was taking place in another time. I enjoyed the banter between Cicero and Catilina, especically when they talk about religion and gods. It was intelligent and thought provoking.
Your descriptions were good too. You were able to create a better image of the scenes by using similes and wordplay like "Cicero frowned as if he could taste the words and they were sour" and "He held out his cup to be refilled and met the sapphire orbs of his companion as if he was of equal birth."
Overall, nice job! There are a few errors here and there you could go back and smooth over, but I felt the dialogue and the characterization overshadowed any syntax inconsistancies. The reimagining of historical events was an interesting and unusual choice, but I think you pulled it off well, at least in this chapter.