Reviews for Los Angeles
SomeRandomScribbles chapter 1 . 3/20/2011
I love this :) I like how you build up the image of the new reality the world is entering gradually through details - especilly the second and third stanzas. The way you use language and repetition work so well, and I like how you mix childish language ("big-kid lipstick") and more adult language ("ebon gowns") to make something slightly sinister. The ending is incredibly striking. Definitely favourited!
BrightEyedHeroine chapter 1 . 8/31/2010
Parts of this, especially the beginning, brought back really strong memories of my young girlhood, which I've always found important in poetry and, really, any writing-the ability to connect people to the words. You're very good at that.

I also particularly love the line:

"You made one crazy, patriotic, painted statement

on those blue walls."

I couldn't tell you why: mostly I just think the words really fit together beautifully.
deefective chapter 1 . 8/23/2010
Lovely! Gahd, I really enjoyed this. There's this almost 60s kind of sing songy feeling to it that made it easy to follow and also contributed to the flow. That was interesting as well because the flow wasn't exactly all that smooth but it seemed to fit the piece. It was less of a "roll-off-the-tongue" kind of thing and more of a "this-is-jagged-and-bumpy-and-perfect". Loved the repetition of "Hey, little girl". It had this almost eerie tone to it that hints at the darker side of this piece, which was fantastically written by the way. Word choice was on-point and I liked this line:

"look how all those big girls dress;

aren't they prettier than you?"

There's just something so...I don't know, 'wide-eyed evil' about it, if that makes any sense. Haha, but my favorite line was that little bit of dialogue. It's so perfectly placed, it breaks my heart. The only critism I have is the "falling" part. As far as the formatting and everything, I get what your point was with that but I think it would've been just fine as a single line, maybe separated from the line before and after it by a line break. But yeah, other than that, nicely done!
lymli chapter 1 . 8/19/2010
wow, it's cool. everybody wants to be somebody for a while.