|Reviews for Uncertainty|
| DutchAver chapter 1 . 8/22/2011
The syllables in your last two haikus are incorrect:
'The path to success, (has five syllables)
Can be wholly achieved, (has six? can be whol-ly a-chieved, I suggest replacing 'wholly' by 'completely')
Only if you take risks. (again, this one has six, 'but there's taking risks' is the best fix I can think of)
If we denied them, (five again, correct)
Would we accomplish what we (this has seven, go you)
So acutely desire?' (this one has seven? So a-cute-ly de-si-re, I recommend replacing it with 'So acutely want')
I've been enough of a syllable-counter now, (I can't help it, I always want to check if haikus are correct) so let's move on to what it means. I like how you use a caterpillar to describe how we don't know what happens in the future, and how we always have to take risks in order to get somewhere. Cat Stevens put it wonderfully: you can't win if you don't play. (Or I think it was something like that quote) You describe it all pretty powerfully in this series of haikus, well done!
With this review, I'm finally up-to-date, having returned every review in the past three weeks D Go me!
| KatsnKookiez999 chapter 1 . 8/30/2010
wow this was deep man
| Eternal Skies chapter 1 . 8/29/2010
I loved the comparision between a caterpiller and current us. It feels that way too: we don't know what's ahead of us but it may lead us to a satisfying end if we just took a chance and made a decision.
| nickyO chapter 1 . 8/28/2010
I think it is a good poem. It seems to me that sometimes making a decision is the most painful part.
| Sakina the Fallen Angel chapter 1 . 8/24/2010
Go go caterpillar! You can turn into that butterfly! This was a cute set of haikus, and I liked how you used the cute image of the caterpillar to draw the reader in before takin on a wider and more general topic.
~ Sakina x