|Reviews for Court of the Mirror Queen|
| lilmystic chapter 3 . 9/7/2010
0o0o0o0oh goodie! Chapter Three! O Wow, wow. So William is a descendant of Edric Claw! That fox's head is evil, reminds me of this fairytale... can't remember what it's called though. It was about these two children, the little brother's eyes got a glass/ice shard in it which did something to his sight. The Ice Queen took him away to her castle and the little sister is left alone so she does quests to bring him back. Something like that. I've got bad memory.
Why do I get the feeling William's father and Jane's father should be switched? Or maybe... everyone's part magician! D Oh! Are other magical beings going to appear? Like witches or fairies?
P.S. You replied! Teehee O Normally people would pass my comments/reviews by and only reply back if I asked questions or something O (I'm not exactly a good critic anyways, I just like to comment)
P.S.S. Gah... I'm sorry, I still get confused over American and Australian english and grammar. I wish they were all the same, it saves me the trouble of being grammatically incorrect.
Anyways! Please have a pleasant day/week lols D (I won't go beyond that because your fanfic is still active and it makes it seem like I'm bidding you farewell forever or something _ )
| lilmystic chapter 2 . 8/31/2010
OMIGOSH ELEANOR! D
I am SPEECHLESS! Ahahas, you have no idea how much I love fairytales/fantasy and anything related to it (of course, it has to have a good plot, storyline, characters, settings and whatnots.) You, my friend, have captured the essence of what I would call a GREAT fanfic (even if you only wrote 2 chapters.) Please do continue. I'm deeply curious as to how things will unfold. Especially the becoming of Edric as a magician.
Have a wonderful day!
| Solemn Coyote chapter 1 . 8/24/2010
This looks good. I won't let the huge, world-eating, monster-behemoth first chapter scare me off. Really, I won't. Fictionpress readers are a finicky breed, and usually will shy away from massive opening posts, but I'm going to buck that trend. I'm going to tackle what looks like a metric bazillion words.
Here I go.
(Seriously, though, this chapter is large. You might want to chunk it into smaller pieces in order to pull in other reviews.)
1) "The house waited and slept for the day things would begin to change." Slept and waited.
Good opening paragraph as far as setting tone goes. It established gothic/victorian pretty effortlessly. It also gave the reader a little bit of mystery to chew over, which should never be undervalued in an opening.
2) "and wonderful guests that Mr. Sorrel had met from all over the world." needs a verb?
3) "Jane could only stifle her fear of having to wear so many layers and cages on her body" that's a great line, and establishes some of the most essential undercurrents in any victorian story.
4) This has kind of a Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrel feel to it. That, or the new Alice in Wonderland.
5) "If the Emperor is asleep, then who rules the empire?" mm, politics.
6) "Papa we must go see them" comma after 'papa'. I am an absolute fiend with commas, but I think this one is grammatically necessary.
7) ""William isn't really like a boy," Jane defended herself hotly." They...are going to have an awesome relationship.
8) Okay, at a glance, what you have here is a fantastic mash-up of wonderful things. Steampunk boyfriends, victorian artifacts, dormant magics, probable politics, and rebellious heroines. The actual reading feel a little rough in places but, it being a rough draft, I would be alarmed if it didn't. The children in this chapter feel a little more like how people see kids than how kids see themselves, but that might be on account of the third person perspective. Likewise, the dialog and the characters' behaviors don't feel perfectly victorian, but that would get stodgy and stifling real fast. The only thing I can honestly recommend for this is to write more. You've got a great start, and don't let anyone's critique (especially mine) get in the way of you developing it.