|Reviews for Shinseimonshouseki|
| NsShadowSerpent chapter 1 . 9/1/2010
I can tell where you've gotten the influence from before I even managed to read to the bottom of the chapter. It's like a typical Shonen story, though that's not exactly a negative comment, I liked it! Reidou already seems much like the standard hero, clueless but confident, with a sense of unwavering justice.
Karin seems like a potential love interest despite her brash tenancies, and she's got that spunk that just cries out for adventure.
And what review isn't complete without a hefty serving of critique?
There's a technique to describing a character without just telling the reader what they look like, for example at the very beginning of your story:
"Damn, where the hell am I?" asked a teenage boy wandering in a forest on a small mountain/large hill. He had spiky black hair and black eyes. He wore a crimson martial arts top, blue pants, and a pair of black wrist bands."
Instead it could have been revised to something like this:
"Damn, where the hell am I?" A young boy cursed under his breath to the sky. Frustrated with his current predicament, he ran a hand through his spiked, jet black hair, and crossed his arms. Over his chest, a tight rope clung against his crimson martial arts top, straping a bo-staff firmly to his back."
I'm not claiming to be an expert, but this way, you can go more into detail about Reidou and his demeanor, and describe his appearance in a more creative way without boring the reader. It takes some practice, but it can be a wonderful technique if used properly.
Anyway, I'll rap this up before it becomes a story in itself. I really enjoyed it, and I have no idea why this story's been up for five days and no one else has bothered to review it. It's very good.