|Reviews for Sea of Storm|
| 3M2R chapter 1 . 1/1/2012
Ahha. I don't know, probably just me, but I find this like insomnia lol.
I had that last night from drinking too much coffee... I couldn't sleep until 6am (is that even night anymore?)
The front part sort of depicts the scene of this calm boat bobbing and drifting on the surface of the water on a cold, lonely night, without nothing else but itself to hog the whole sea. It's not lonely per se cause it's actually calming. I had cruises before. The sleeping part of it was best.
Okay I shall speak it in a clearer way, this is what I see:
It seems to me that you're objectifying emotions and yourself here. You are objectified as the small boat (which imagined a sampan), your overwhelming and persistent thoughts as the thunderstorm and choppy sea. I see it like you are closing your eyes and all the thoughts are assaulting your mind and your mind's hands (if there's such a thing) struggles to push them aside, and finally, you overcome insomnia and fall asleep. I have times like that too. insomnia frequents me during examination periods.
Sorry it's so lengthy plus not much of constructive reviewing... I was just describing my feel of the poem. I just want to let you know, you just summed up a really close to the heart issue that I was never really able to pen down. Cause I never imagined it as waves, storms and most importantly, I never imagined myself as a small boat. Which is nice, the imagery. I like the imagery of the boat, it's the best ever objectification of a person with insomnia.
| Sir Bradford chapter 1 . 8/29/2010
This is excellent work. It captures the escape that fantasy provides very well, and the free style works well here. Stanza 16 has Finally misspelled, but other than that your conventions are sound.
If you rework this poem at all, I would try to add in more imagery. I was immersed in the poem, but I could not see everything clearly. But perhaps this was your intent. Either way, their is my suggestion.
I look forward to seeing more.
| Death by Reflection chapter 1 . 8/28/2010
awesome descriptions! you can really invision the things you describe. keep writing!
| the sun softly smiles chapter 1 . 8/28/2010
Hmm. I like the actual content of the poem, although it can seem a bit tedious at times, due to the continual use of extremely short lines combined with the length of the entire piece. However, the formatting (with the roman numerals) is actually distracting, at least to me. There's just one spelling error - in the fourteenth stanza, "Finnaly" should be "Finally."
But like I said, the content is good; the metaphor is consistent, albeit spelled out a little much for my tastes, but still good. This is pretty well done, you just might want to work out the formatting issues and the seeming stilted quality of your lines. Also, consider adding some more punctuation aside from the three sets of ellipses at the end.
Keep up the good work; I'm sure you'll improve with time :)