Reviews for Criminal
Lomesa chapter 1 . 5/31/2011
It would be nice if you go on with this story, but if you do I think you should make quite a few changes to your first chapter. Criminal works fine as a one shot and it's a decent backbone for a first chapter... BUT...

It's going to need a lot more detail if you are planning on making it a story. You're going to have to expand on the characters, definitely. I would like to know a little more about what is going on in the woman's head I'm in all of the sudden. It might also be a good idea to add more depth to the characters and describe them a little more.

Have you got a good plot in mind? It's always a good idea to hint at your conflict and plot early to draw the readers in.

You can also work a bit on description to add to the chapter's atmosphere. Also describe the characters' actions more to help improve the impression we get of their personality.

Just a bit of advice from a good friend. I'm curious to know if you are going to continue... I can't help but wonder what your writing is like nowadays...
Lomesa chapter 2 . 5/29/2011
*huff* As long as you play our little writing game first.
Riley Laine chapter 1 . 12/22/2010
Hey, (write quest from ya, speaking, lol).

I like it. I makes me want to know more - the relationship, how it'll change, what exactly is going on. A good start, for sure.