|Reviews for Unbekannt|
| Tora-2011 chapter 1 . 10/5/2012
I have just read some of your German stuff.
I've got no idea for how long you've been learning it, but congrats for going through it and teaching yourself. How do you even do that?
However... it pains me to say it, but there are many, many mistakes in it. It's really difficult to understand from time to time.
You might consider finding a German speaking beta reader. That might not only help you to achieve higher quality, but also to speed up your learning progress.
Ah... by the way... German is my first language...
And I am going to offer you a complete analysis of this poem:
L1: Hallo. (No mistake )
L2: Wie heiss du? (Should be "Wie heisst du?" Strictly speaking it should be "Wie heißt du, but since "ß" will be difficult to find on your keyboard never mind that)
L3: Wie ist jetzt das Leben? (Sentence order: Wie ist das Leben jetzt? You might try to explain why you thought "Wie ist jetzt das Leben" was correct. Then I might be able to tell you why this is not the case.)
L4: Ich bin dem Unbekannten. (Whoaa... really have no idea what you are trying to say. "Dem Unbekannten" is Dativ which is why this does not make sense. There is no reason you need Dativ here unless you are trying to say something more (by adding a Partizip e.g.). If you are trying to say "I am the stranger" you must use Nominativ. Therefore the sentence should be: "Ich bin der Unbekannte." BTW: Your Dativ ist totally correct ).
L5: Angst das Unbekannte. (Ok. This is even wronger than the one before. - I know saying "wronger" is not actually possible as it an absolute statement, but I will be using the TBBT comic book guy's explanation here. Back to your problem: The best solution would be if you told me what you wished to say, because I have got so many ideas of might have gone wrong and don't even know where to begin.
L6: Innerhalb von Ihnen. (Absolutely correct grammar, but I have no idea what you are trying to say. Once again you might just tell me what you had in mind and we might work on it together. BTW: Congrats for getting "Ihnen" right. Polite adress must be a bizarre concept to English speaking people.
L7: Guten Tag. (perfect)
L8: Zur Arbeit gehen. (perfect)
L9: Zur Scule gehen. (Should be "Schule", but apart from that perfect.)
L10: Ich werde da sein (perfect.)
L11: Guten Nacht (Should be "Gute Nacht"; it's "die Nacht" (f). Therefore "Gute Nacht, whereas "Abend" is "der Abend" (m) and therefore "Guten Abend". Still with me?)
L12: Ich komme in der Nacht (perfect. Might this be the reason for your mistake in L11? "der Nacht" is Dativ).
Your capitalisation is perfect and I suppose this one of the most difficult aspects of the German language... well... probably not. I guess almost everything about German is difficult...
Is there any particular message you were trying to get across? Because I have got no clue, but that might just be me.
Ever heard of Mark Twain's essay on German? Is definitely worth reading.
Hope this helps a little.