|Reviews for Double Crossed|
| mousegirl05 chapter 1 . 1/6/2011
Greetings! Well, my dear, this prologue does what all good prologues do: grabs attention. It raised questions and it makes one want to read more: mainly to find the answer to what are they fighting over? What are they willing to die for? Who is that general?
The imagery is good and the setting comes across powerfully. I would have to agree with the previous commenter that the tense shifting makes it a little awkward, but that's not anything you couldn't easily fix. *smiles*
You wanted to know what you might 'add'… Just a suggestion, but… *IF* one of your main characters is present, I would suggest making him or her stand out a little—make the reader care right away about them. The general stands out, but right now, he feels a little like a marble statue—impressive, powerful, but distant, you know? So if he IS a main character, it's important to get a connection quick. Now, if you don't have a main character there, that's fine, it is a powerful start with just atmosphere and situation. War drives a lot of stuff very well XD
You mentioned in the artist's note that you have a hard time writing the first few chapters? Then don't! Start in the middle (or even at the end) and work your way backwards! Works like a charm for me.
I look forward to reading more. _ Cheers!
| Elsbeth Lagrange chapter 1 . 1/5/2011
Well, if you're going for EXTREME DRAMA (as I suspect you are) you certainly accomplished that! You changed tenses there right in the last couple of sentences, but that's an easy fix. I think this is a good start!