|Reviews for Flames|
| Red Cerberean Sanguine chapter 12 . 8/22/2014
Nice! I've been liking this so far, please update :)
In the meantime, I will read your other fictions!
| Claciro chapter 12 . 5/4/2014
Yay, you updated.
Looking forword to the next chapter. :D
| Aquade chapter 12 . 5/4/2014
Nice chapter! I noticed the similarities as well. Who really is Sam? And why exactly is he helping Z?
| Aquade chapter 11 . 3/6/2014
Z is warming up to others, I think. Can't wait for the next chapter!
| Claciro chapter 11 . 3/3/2014
Please continue. The story is amazing so far. I even read it twice today!
What kind of person truly is his father? Maybe his father is not that bad like Z thinks and maybe his mother was not as good as he believes? Who is Sam? How did he get to Z? Why does he keep Ethan with him too? What is Sam planning? Will his father be able to find him soon? What will happen next?
Wow, so many questions! We can't be sure who are the good or bad guys here. The plot is unpredictable and progresses quickly making it very exciting. I really like it. :D
| Reign of Rayne chapter 11 . 10/10/2013
Your story has amazing potential, but I agree with almost all of the other reviews. No offense (I really do respect your story), but you need more commas and punctuation. Of course, you can't proofread everything, but an effort is always better than nothing. Also, it seems like you're forcing the plot a little. As a reader, sudden setting changes and rapid introductions of characters with little or no explanation leaves me feeling a bit disoriented. While I understand that sometimes it's too awkward to put in a good explanation/background to a setting change, it wouldn't hurt in certain situations. For example, when Z is put in his dad's house, there isn't much detail provided about anything. The house is left almost completely to the imagination. While that can be nice, you should give the reader a few tips on what it looks like to you as the author. Also, you have Z going from helpless to able to walk and run in a few situations and that's a bit confusing. Last thing, back to the forcing the plot bit, the story is moving very fast for its length. Yes, I'm no writing genius, but I think that a few more descriptions of people, places, things, and Z's backstory (you don't have to be specific) would be nice. I'm a bit unsure as to exactly what's happening, and it seems like everything is moving slightly too quickly. Overall, though, I think this is a great story and that you have great (better than me!) potential as a writer! Good luck and happy writing!
| Inktronpotter chapter 8 . 8/10/2013
WHAT?! Whatwhatwhatwhat. Nooo. Yhu kiiillled hiiim.
Did. You. Kill. My. Z.
Better update on a dime. I will track you down.
| Skimaskmaster chapter 4 . 7/30/2012
I've read this story for a while now, please update sooner!
| CCKins chapter 4 . 1/20/2011
This story is getting on very well! The storyline is great, and you have every reason to like it! Although (yes, the although...) slg87 is right about you needing more commas. COMMAS ARE OUR FRIEND! lol. And I think that you should write Z as a word, because some people pronounce it different, so it will either be Zee or Zed. Otherwise, great story, and hope you continue!
| slg87 chapter 4 . 1/3/2011
You still need commas.
You really need to work on your descriptions. I have only a vague understanding of what this place looks like. I know more about the clouds than I do about his father's place. What color is the room? How is the furniture arranged? Decorations? What is his father wearing? (What is Z wearing, for that matter?) I know this stuff seems trivial but you can't expect the reader to imagine everything. To be able to accurately understand your story we need details.
| Alias Blue chapter 3 . 1/3/2011
Hi, I don't really have the motivation for a proper review. But I just wanted to leave you a little note to say I've enjoyed reading this story.
I think the plot is really good, and you certainly have enough hooks to keep the reader interested. This plot and the character really has potential, I think, to be absolutely epic. You've certainly got me interested.
At some point later, I might review an earlier chapter and give a few tips on the actual writing, which could be improved technically in some areas, but this story is actually good.
Thanks for writing it, I had fun reading.
| slg87 chapter 3 . 1/2/2011
He was hobbling very slowly before but now, all of a sudden, he can run forever?
Example of one of your really long sentences and how commas can make it better: "After smacking my head on the pavement [COMMA] I was pretty dazed and didn't know what was really going [on] when I was pulled up and dragged backwards."
"I turned to see that the van was coming closer[PERIOD] I then looked to lock eyes with Smokey and I opened my mouth and yelled[COLON] "FIRE! HELP!""
"When the van started [COMMA] I finally let my muscles relax and spoke[COMMA] trying to yell out due to the horrible shape my body was in[PERIOD] [T]he only thing that didn't hurt was my legs."
You should watch your use of contractions. It is fine because you are in first person, but having too many of them can make your writing seem hurried and immature.
I know why his name is "Z", but I assume that his parents gave him a real name? If he is going to confront his father, and his father wants him to join the "dark" side (so to say), his father could use that real name to get a lot of emotion out of "Z". Just a tip for later.
| slg87 chapter 2 . 1/2/2011
Unless he is superhuman, or unless he weights several hundred pounds, he wouldn't crush a car. If a normal person landed with that much force, he'd be dead.
"Just great and I didn't even have health insurance."
| slg87 chapter 1 . 1/2/2011
You have really long sentences, so long that I got lost sometimes. You should break some of them into two sentences. Also, you are in desperate need of commas. Read this out loud to yourself, slowly, and see where you naturally pause. This is where you require a comma. You should also look up the grammatical rules for comma usage because you are lacking in that department as well.
This looks very interesting, and could be a good read if you make it easier to look at.
| CCKins chapter 1 . 9/4/2010
i think that it was really good! the shorter the sweeter! And even though it was short, you really went all out. I hope that you write more of this, cus it also seems really interesting!