|Reviews for By the Daly Park Fountain|
| Inkspilled chapter 1 . 9/15/2010
I like this in a story-tale way. The characters left undefined, but the setting is so clear that you can see and hear everything. I felt it was very artistically pretty, and the style fit perfectly. Everything in the end fit nicely, and I'd have to say it's the perfect example of a classic fairy tale romance. Very nicely written.
| Tekla chapter 1 . 9/13/2010
whoaa I really like this! I really liked the flipping back and forth between present and past, it worked really well :D
good luck, Lyra! _
| this wild abyss chapter 1 . 9/12/2010
I quite liked the split narrative going on throughout this piece. It was really pretty and unique. The style added a vague aspect to this that I really think added a lot of weight to this. Great job!
| HiddenFromYou chapter 1 . 9/12/2010
I really liked this story. It had a mysterious, almost carthartic feel to it, and reading it there was the feeling that I wasn't meant to understand everything. Such as the line: "He's fading fast. If there's anything you wish to say..." This really sets the mood brilliantly, and the repeition throughout the piece just makes it stronger, as well as delivering the mystery. I also feel as if I can connect to the characters through the language you've used.
I couldn't find any mistakes, which is a refreshing change as I've been reading quite a few 'Just In' entries. Best of luck in the WCC. :)
| notveryalice chapter 1 . 9/7/2010
I think I might not be in a fair mind to review this story, because I've seen the "lovers from a past life" plotline a lot in YA supernatural romance - and it's not my favourite one. This is mostly because I get the feeling I'm cheated out of the development of a real romance; they're meant for each other, it feels so right... so they never actually fall in love for real. I find the idea a little unsettling rather than romantic. I mean, I'd like to think I have a say in who I fall for. This is all personal opinion though - is doesn't have anything to do with the quality of the story.
I do like that you've taken the "tied inextricably together" part of the prompt and made it into this, though... it's really creative.
Your delivery is quite nice, too: simple and unburdened by description. It paints a clear picture, smoothly.
Best of luck in the WCC!
| Sercus Kaynine chapter 1 . 9/7/2010
This piece had an entirely serene mood. It was very relaxing and refreshing. I like the way you handled this little romance. It was casual and cute, but you played the long-lost-lover story into it perfectly. The simple atmosphere, the happy tone... everything about this seemed to click. It almost seems to brighten my day.
Good job and good luck in WCC!
| YasuRan chapter 1 . 9/7/2010
Nice concept you've got here. The introduction about the idea that thoughts, promises and anything felt from the past could resonate in the future. The subtle hint at reincarnation (or something similar) throughout the story was nice. I always liked a bit of mystery and 'magic' in stories.
I liked how you juxtaposed the present scenes with those snippets of conversation from the past. It felt a bit awkward towards the end with the kiss all of a sudden but that's just the cynic in me thinking . Overall, I thought it was quite intruguing to read.
| C. Tattiana H-H chapter 1 . 9/6/2010
"Everything...that...needed to be said...it's been said..."
-Edit: Change “it’s” to “has” since “it’s” “it is”.
Overall, I think this was a solid piece all around. At first I was really turned off by all of the page breaks, but as the story progressed I didn’t mind them as much. About a quarter ways through, I guessed that they were the people who had been speaking in the italics, so unfortunately the ending didn’t surprise me. Nonetheless, I really like your take on the prompt and found this piece to be thoroughly engaging. The dialogue was smooth and believable, and their interaction also felt very natural. My only complaint is the kiss; it felt abrupt. You don’t really need a big build up to it, but I think a couple of lines beforehand might have eased me into it better. Best of luck in this month’s WCC.
Oh, yeah, the guy totally doesn’t come off as a creepy stalker. (Saw you were worried about that on SkOT earlier. No stress. He seemed like a decent bloke to me).
| lookingwest chapter 1 . 9/6/2010
"I think she said it was in the 30s sometime."
-Style Edit: I'd write it out as "thirties" because it's a simple write out and you don't have the "19" there, but I don't think it has to be done, just one reader's preference.
Didn't find any other spelling or grammar mistakes, and that ones just style, so you're all good there!
In complete and utter honesty, this was too fluffy for me as far as romantic subject, and I'm not a big fan of the idea of lovers "waiting for one another" because most of the time I just wish they wouldn't be so selfish and say, "go out and find someone else who makes you happy and go love and live your life, don't spend it just waiting for me"-the idea of waiting at a fountain everyday for my dead lover is scary for me, I personally would never do it. BUT I think it's something that's a staple in the romantic genre and you did add a quenching twist, this one reminded me of The Time Traveler's Wife, and if you like this sort of romance or you want to expand your reading on it or just need something for fun, I'd recommend it!
I liked the way that you switched back and forth with the present and the (what I interpreted) past. It seems to me that one of them is dying in the italicized parts, and they're telling the other that they'll see them again in the afterlife-or as an angel at the fountain, like the lady in the thirties, but then I took a leap and (I don't know if this is right) but the couple *are* the two that were saying they would meet each other later? Like, the woman in the thirties is the woman now? That was kind of cool how it connected that way. At first I thought the italicized bit was the future instead of the past, but now it clicks. I thought it did a good job centering around that plot. The plot was basic, no real change in setting, but I liked that. It worked well here and it was mostly dialogue driven, but you used it to even out the pacing and keep that steady.
I like how you used props in the dialogue, like the sack lunch that was eaten, and how you kept attention to that and kept the action involved. My favorite little moment was probably when the two fell into the awkward silence, I think everyone can relate to those moments. The kiss was cute, and I thought it was creative to keep the identities a mystery even to the character's. I loved the "Younger Me" at the beginning and how you capitalized it too, speaking of names, that was a nifty idea.
The supernatural part is the idea of reincarnation right? That kind of reminds me of necromancy, XD, so I was definitley thinking of that in the back of my mind too. I hope I interpreted it correctly because I think it's really cool if I'm right! Besides the bits o' fluff, which I think is sort of the image of someone dying in a lover's arms going "Goodbye, my dearest," I think you made the twist of them finally coming together a good one, and it was well thought out. I feel like it had an ending of finality and the story has been told to the fullest capacity, in other words, I don't picture there being a sequel, and that's refreshing for a short story and I respect it because it's a hard thing to do (at least it is for me, haha). Well done, and best of luck in the WCC!