|Reviews for The Gamble|
| Beth Brooks chapter 1 . 10/31/2012
another one i love, i have lived this, i love the way you twist and use the english language! it's amazing! i would have never of thought of putting my simualar experince that beautifully. this is brilliant!
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 11/27/2010
Here too, I felt like those two stanzas as one sentence seemed a bit like a runon.
I did like the piece. That first stanza was great. I loved the description of the firebomb. That was really powerful and a great way to describe the intensity of love.
I liked the progression of the piece too from love, to heartbroken to friendship with a hope (maybe unrealistic) for more. It's something that happens a lot in real life. I also liked the reasoning you gave behind the other person's motivation it made them seem like a nice person so the fact that the narrator was still hoping for more made sense.
The word choices throughout worked really well and I loved that last line. Really beautiful.
PS Check out the Review Game and/or it's Review Marathon (links in my profile!)
| The lone canine chapter 1 . 11/12/2010
This poem seems so sweet and emotional, one that I think is one of your best. Really great job and keep on going!
| Insanity Streak chapter 1 . 9/14/2010
I can really feel the passion within the first stanza. It's dissapointing that the passion (like most things in life) dissipates. I feel as if I have to hold onto my heart now or else that it will just slip away. Keep writing. :)
| nickyO chapter 1 . 9/12/2010
Strongly emotional piece that sinks in. I can say awesome as usual Anna too because well you are :)
| Kati chapter 1 . 9/10/2010
Aww it's so sweet. I've been in that situation before! It's really tough :) I'm so proud of you!
Always and forever!
| Punslinger chapter 1 . 9/9/2010
Beautifully written and heartwrenching.
"...now I understand that you simply need me as a friend."-I'm sure many of us have experienced that soul-crushing disappointment. You are right-hoping that such a relationship will grow into true love is a big gamble. I respect people who have the courage to take that risk.
| lymli chapter 1 . 9/9/2010
it's awful to know the ending isn't happy since the beginning was so romantic, but I don't know, I just thought about he just wanted her like a muse, but not love. the problem with women is they idealize too much love.
| Random-Idiocity chapter 1 . 9/9/2010
Love it! It's hard sometimes when you like a close friend and they don't feel the same way back. I know that feeling all too well. Glad to something new. Keep it Up!
| HarryGinnyDxC chapter 1 . 9/9/2010
Wow, that was great! and thank you for reviewing my poems btw :)
| Mirabella chapter 1 . 9/9/2010
Beautiful and so real! :) I really enjoyed reading through this life moment and emotions! Wonderfully written. :)
| thewhimsicalbard chapter 1 . 9/9/2010
I haven't seen anything new from you for quite a while, so I thought I'd take a look at this.
I have to say, this poem is almost a little too transparent. It doesn't feel like poetry, it feels like a conversation that you had (with yourself or with a close friend), and that you tried to fit into a poem-shaped box. It's good for self-expression, but not as effective as I think you hoped it to be.
Poetry is the art of word-sound. Words, sounds, and rhythms come together to create a picture that one of them individually could not. You have focused too much on the words and not enough on the sounds and rhythms. Read your own poem to yourself... The speaker sounds devoid of feeling and flat, especially considering the anger that the words imply.
Other than that, you've done a solid job here - your vocabulary and prose syntax are phenomenal, and you make very respectable use of poetic devices at many points throughout your poem: "such a scorching situation" is a double alliteration - that's an achievement in and of itself.
On a personal note, if this poem is autobiographical, I distinctly advise against it. I tried to do this same thing twice, and you know where that got me? Nowhere. Although, it is a wonderful tool if you're looking for inspiration and/or an excuse to start consuming copious amounts of alcohol - check out my piece "Tell Your Eyes" if you want proof.
And I just looked at your profile. You are older than me. I don't want to sound like an ass for giving you advice, but I would hate to see you fall into the same trap I did.
Carry on, then!
| Melanie Layugan chapter 1 . 9/9/2010
Wow. Amazing. I have no idea how to express the sheer intensity of the emotions conveyed. Keep up the work!