|Reviews for Milestones|
| Dryad7 chapter 6 . 3/17/2011
Oh, poor Ren. From abuse to use and manipulation. Will she have any friends other than the Lord?
| lecase19 chapter 1 . 1/6/2011
I thoroughly enjoyed this and defiantly will read more.
| Dryad7 chapter 4 . 1/6/2011
Excellent! The swift introduction of new characters was masterfully done.
I cannot wait for the next installment!
| Jean Clement chapter 3 . 10/25/2010
Wow, you do keep the reader on their toes! So much going on... and with each new concept you draw us further into your fantasy world. I hardly have time to come up with major criticisms.
I was thinking I might have liked the murder scene to have a little more strength or punch to it - which, maybe, you might do by deleting some of the descriptions of who is speaking? or vary them a bit more?
I also thought the chapter break might be better placed after the murder? The year-long gap looked a bit out of place so early in the chapter.
But just as I was going to settle down to thinking about these things, you introduced the Paradigms, and I was too busy getting intrigued. I love them already, and I'm very excited about reading what Headquarters will be like.
| Jean Clement chapter 2 . 10/24/2010
What a cliffhanger!
This chapter shows some great insight into human nature and group psychology, especially in the way the villagers react to Ren. You've done a great job mixing common human behaviour with a fantasy setting.
On the whole, your language works very well and helps to draw the reader into the story - there are some very vivid pictures painted here - but occasionally some words don't quite seem to fit. For example, 'influent'- did you mean 'affluent'? And 'freakiness': I think 'freakishness' is closer to what you want to say. But these are minor things. The overall feeling and impression this story gives is very powerful.
Off to read the next chapter!
| Dryad7 chapter 3 . 10/22/2010
Awesome! She's finally leaving! *Does a happy dance in her socks*
I can't wait for the next bit!
| Dryad7 chapter 2 . 10/17/2010
But her plea went unheeded and as each blow fell on her body, adding one more wound to her ever-growing collection of scars, she was soon lost in an ocean of agony, devoid of everything but pain and the unvarying, reliant presence of the Lord in her mind.
Reliant may not be the best word, because it means 'to be dependent, or to rely on' and what I think you mean is that she was relying on Him, not vice-versa.
I am really enjoying this story! Keep up the good work.
| Jean Clement chapter 1 . 9/27/2010
Well, I'm definitely impressed so far! This sounds like it will be a novel on the grand scale, in every sense of the word. The plot you've set up is intriguing. I look forward to reading more (and will give you more detailed reviews then :-P)
| ComicalEpiphanies chapter 1 . 9/26/2010
One word for you: YES. Yes, I will beta; yes, I will read; yes, I love it.
| Dryad7 chapter 1 . 9/14/2010
This story sounds intriguing. I noticed on your profile that you are not a native English speaker? If so, that might be the reason that a few of your idioms are a bit... off. For example, in the fourth section you say that the couple was put out, but you might actually mean put off.
I may be totally wrong, though.
Whatever the case, I thoroughly enjoyed your beginning. Keep writing!