|Reviews for Screams of the Silent|
| berley chapter 1 . 9/14/2010
Yay, first review!
“At 16 I was one of the eldest there, as when the girls turned 18 they generally left, to either become a full leader, or just leave, as that was the age at which many girls chose to go and work at nowadays, or marry and have children of their own, leaving little time for attending the weekly meetings.”
I think this sentence is a little long and should be re worked. It was a little confusing to read. Maybe you threw too many commas in there and it needs to be broken down? Just a suggestion.
Okay, as I read I see that this is actually a pattern in your writing. Some of your sentences are a little too complicated. You throw a lot unnecessary words and phrases in, cut up with commas that just clutter your writing up. It makes it almost like work to read. If you cut out some stuff and simplified it a bit I think it would flow a lot nicer. Also, a piece of advice I got was to spell out the ages of your character instead of writing the numerals. Especailly since this is a period piece I think it might work a lot better.
I like that this is a period piece, it’s nice to read them on this site, especially WWII. I think there is a lot you can work with, especially since this chapter deals with them being notified about the end of the war.
Keep up the good work!