|Reviews for Academia|
| Connor Mack chapter 1 . 3/22/2011
You have a terrific writing voice, as the words you use are perfect and seamless. I also like the pop culture references sprinkled throughout this. While nowhere near overbearing, it helps to establish a certain mood to it. There were some parts where I had to re-read, however, as I'm not quite sure who the narrator or protagonist is. I'm sure, however, that with further updates it will all be cleared up.
All in all, you're writing style is simply beautiful and thought out. Thank you for the great read!
| Iva Hartnet chapter 1 . 3/22/2011
Hahahahahaa! The ending was EPIC! I had to laugh out loud! Very very cute. I loved the feel of the entire story and the way you described things. Though at times it got a little heavy to work through. Very nice work! I loved it :)
| Getemono chapter 1 . 12/15/2010
Nicely done (just like everything you write). Makes me wish you were adding more!
| this wild abyss chapter 1 . 11/26/2010
This review is brought to you by the Review Marathon. For more information, see the link in my profile.
I was really wowed by the almost poetic quality you infused throughout this piece. You linked together words, images, and phrases that are wholly unique, then managed to make a cohesive piece out of it. I thought the effect of this was charming, and your style really worked well for the sort of vague atmosphere you were aiming for. The last line in particular was great. I loved the irony and foreshadowing you put behind it, like the story isn’t completely finished yet. Great work!
| hideandseek13 chapter 1 . 10/22/2010
You have a wonderful talent in description! -something I am still having trouble with- A great story :)
| XeeWrites chapter 1 . 10/21/2010
Wow. This was a very, very interesting read.
I love your metaphors! It was like reading a very lengthy poem (although poetry, I should mention, is nothing I don't know much about at all). I skimmed a couple of times and then went back, and had to re-read a few chunks to get the best picture in my head, but the style was so poetic and romantic that it was difficult not to love. I couldn't read a whole novel written like this, but it works perfectly for this short piece.
The only problem I had with it was that it requires a lot of effort and concentration to read. Lol, but it's not really a problem. It just a matter of reading it over a second time to make more sense of it, and appreciating it as much as it deserves.
| Elsbeth Lagrange chapter 1 . 10/18/2010
Looks like you've already got quite a few nice reviews, but I thought I'd throw my voice in as well. As much as it seems like faint praise, I truly appreciated your correctness in terms of grammar and punctuation. I also find the line "he bent numbers out of shape to fit the angles in her face" is lingering pleasantly in my memory. Thanks for posting!
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 1 . 10/10/2010
As always, I love your style; it's disjointed and requires some lines to be re-read, which, when it comes to your stuff, is never a bad thing. The language used is, for the most part, quite different and unusual, but it creates such beautiful imagery. I think the ending could do with a slight bit of editing; either maybe his reaction to seeing her then, after 'our Head Boy here...' or the principal's next line added onto the previous one?
This is just a personal thing, but maybe instead of 'Maybe life's more unfair' it could be "Maybe life was more unfair...", might make a bit more sense grammatically?
| lianoid chapter 1 . 10/5/2010
She was what he still knew. A daydream composed of teenage fantasy and rambling musings on love dictated by forgotten poets.
-Beautiful line. There are so many great ones in this piece, it’s hard to pick a favourite; if I had to, though, it would definitely be this one.
Interesting piece we have here. What I gathered from it was that this male narrator goes to a school where the genders are separated. From Asalaam Aleikum, I’ve gathered that these are Muslim students, so that fortifies my take there. The girl he’s been pining over is the daughter of the principal? Is that correct? I was just a tad confused with the third last line because it wasn’t on the same line as Sir’s previous stream of dialogue.
Overall, I think this was a really good piece. It had an almost stream of consciousness to it that wasn’t too overwhelming. Your imagery, as always, was inspiring. You have a wonderful way of wording things that really brings your pieces to life. Excellent, job with this one.
| backseat compromises chapter 1 . 9/30/2010
I love how you flit through different characters here, how poetic your language is and the imagery - especially when you described the principal's office to smell like green ink and unfinished signatures. Beautiful.
| Skyward Ending chapter 1 . 9/29/2010
I thought the writing was quite beautiful-you use a great deal of unconventional language (e.g. amoebic, pubescent, cozied, etc.), and that along with sprinklings of Indian throughout gives this piece a pleasantly exotic feel. However, this also makes it difficult to understand at times, especially when there's a long string of such words, which even on their own are full of description. Perhaps it was because of this sensory overload, how each section seemed to be a vignette in itself, that I had to read the story multiple times.
The marriage of Indian and American pop culture in this piece gave this story currency, which I really liked. The way you throw around little bits of information about his school makes your world all the more believable, more real, tangible.
I especially loved "Where equations and formulae wallowed stillborn in white chalk-dust, he bent numbers out of shape to fit the angles in her face."
It was a very enjoyable piece of writing; nicely written, though a bit convoluted. It is one of those rare stories that get better with each reading, for there is more to gather every time. However, this same re-read value makes if hard to get through the first time.
If the ending is what I think it means, it's also rather funny in a sad sort of way.
Good job :)
| Sakina the Fallen Angel chapter 1 . 9/29/2010
I found this a lil harder to read than your other works. Although a lot of this was beautifully poetic, some sentences felt a little clumsy, and I didn't like that they didn't quite flow as well as they could do. I think that was a result of having too much description crammed into your sentences in some places.
However, I thought this line was wonderful: "A daydream composed of teenage fantasy and rambling musings on love dictated by forgotten poets." It totally sums up the whole wistful experience of adolescent unrequited love, and I thought you captured it really well.
The change of tenses threw me off a bit, and I wasn't sure if the one in the second section: "He's never heard her voice calling out to any stray siblings..." works or not, as it felt a little disjointed to me.
All in all, this work shows promise, however, I did find it a lot harder to get into, for the reasons mentioned above.
~ Sakina x
| Tawny Owl chapter 1 . 9/23/2010
I’m not sure about the bit at the beginning. Part of me thinks it’s lovely and I just can’t quite get it, and the other part of me thinks it doesn’t quite make sense. The first sentence is really good though, and I think the rest of it is too, but there are moments when you only have half sentence, the one that begins ‘Lights to be sheltered…’ and ‘like a face bobbing in your periphery…’ I’m not sure if that’s just my preference but it makes the meaning a bit non-sensical. Loved the last two sentences though.
Oh, and I’m completely in love with this - This infamous abyss earned its repute for swallowing the will of any aspiring Newton or Edison who had hopes of making it through GCE's alive. Brilliant.
The principal's office smells like green ink and unfinished signatures. – And this too. And the description of Sir’s glasses, and the fact that you call him Sir in the narrative. It’s like that’s all he is to Salim – an institution.
It reads like dense poetry, full of wonderful imagery but something that has to be digested slowly to be really appreciated. It fits with the idea of the main character being a dreamer though, drifting through his lessons never really being quite there. And the idea that he puts this girl he’s glimpsed together through parts of other people just feels really right. It brings home the fantasy elements that are given to crushes sometimes. And her being Sirs daughter made me smile.
| xenolith chapter 1 . 9/19/2010
Wow. Now this is how you write about teenage romance! Brilliant. I got such a great sense of his dreams, his hopes and his disapointments. It was kinda like... the ending, that feeling of pained resignation but intensified throughout the whole piece. Also reminded me of a photograph or a really well done film where every single detail is bright except for her, so that his imagination had to fill her in.
'Where equations and formulae wallowed stillborn in white chalk-dust, he bent numbers out of shape to fit the angles in her face.'
Loved it. Well done. Fav, for sure :D