|Reviews for Song Series|
| Live and learn chapter 1 . 3/14/2011
I found it very poetic and I like the discriptiveness of it, I could visualize what the narrator was seeing in my head
| TellHerStory chapter 1 . 9/22/2010
I really enjoyed this piece. It's quite adorable that he's watching her while she's sleep and feeling so conflicted inside. He obviously loves her very much. You've done a great job with expressing how he feels. And if anyone asked me what love is, I would have to tell them to read this story. I don't think that it is unrealistic at all. When you truly love someone then they should be all you can think about, even if you are a guy and it's not like he's giving her a long speech about it (that might be unrealistic). This story is very sweet and you've done a great job with it. Keep it going!
| thenutrunningthenuthouse chapter 1 . 9/20/2010
Very fluffy piece, but I think it was sweet. It sort of worked as a cute reflective tale. The prose was simple and I think it was written well. The narrator's conflict with children seemed sweet and caring, which I think would be what most girls want in a guy. In that way, this story was great for being a soft one shot.
However, I'm not sure how realistic it is for a guy to...narrate in that kind of way. It sort of felt like how a girl would describe everything. Guys typically don't gush for very long on their girls, or as far as I've observed. Also, there's the part with the description of her nose. You describe what it isn't, but it felt incomplete without you delving past it was "perfect."
Just noticed this but this sentence is worded weirdly in particular: Her eyes opened soon afterwards and when they met mine they pierced my very being freezing my movements completely.
It either needs some commas or should be more than one sentence. I like the idea of having a collection of one-shots, by the way.
Just as a reminder, I'd appreciate a review on my story, "Narcotia's Eyes." Thanks in advance.