|Reviews for Keep Biting My Nails|
| thewhimsicalbard chapter 1 . 9/20/2010
First off, a job well done. This is a solid poem, and there is no "interference" with the author's voice, so to speak. The thoughts are ordered, and I see the story quite clearly. That's something that doesn't come easy, unless you're a natural at it; either I congratulate your hard work or I recognize your talent. Also, I applaud your use of (mostly) flawless grammar and punctuation. I very much enjoy poems that are punctuated and worded like prose sentences. That's just personal taste, though.
There were somethings I saw that I think you could improve on, and I'd like to point them out to you.
It reflects badly on a poet when he or she allows MS Word to do grammar editing of any sort on their poem (ie, the capitalization of the first letter of every line). Capitalization shifts your readers' attention to that word - in my experience, you should only capitalize at the beginning of a line when you REALLY want people to look there.
I think you would do well to make more stanzas. This is a very repetitive poem, and repetitively worded poems often work better in conjunction with similar structures. Consider a new stanza every time the speaker mentions the boy's face.
Finally, I think it is in your best interest remove the author's note. One of a poet's greatest gifts is the reader's imagination, and you squander it here. You don't have to say anything about your poem's content to anyone, ever. In fact, when you don't explain your inspiration, people are more willing to come back and explore more of your work.
That's all I have. Hopefully, this review will help you to improve - I saw plenty of good things in here, and I tried to nail them all down, as well as the areas in which I thought you could improve. If you think I missed anything, tell me!
| Koszmar chapter 1 . 9/20/2010
I'm not usually a big fan of poetry, but this wasn't so bad. The vocabulary you used really gave this poem the feeling of young love, and I liked how you made it so important - because it really is at that age. The only part I didn't really like was the line "you lightly ignore me" The word lightly just seems really odd and out of place here, and you used it before already. I think if you substituted it for something else it would look better.
The best part, I thought, was the last, "I want you to make that face for me." It's very bittersweet, as only unrequited love can be, but it's nice. :)
| Chief General chapter 1 . 9/20/2010
The tragedy is in the fact that this one sided love isn't graphically described at all, and yet it draws up emotions that everyone has felt.
Wonderful writing :D
| lymli chapter 1 . 9/20/2010
I like the making faces part. it's as if words weren't necessary.