|Reviews for Decoding Program: Boys|
| Persevera chapter 1 . 5/31/2014
This is a cute story. I liked learning a bit about school in India.
The second person narrative was a good choice. A computer person might be slightly detached from her emotions, as if thinking them, rather than feeling them. That comes across with "You" seeming to tell her how to feel.
The single quote marks were a little disconcerting, but that's such an easy fix.
I enjoyed this story of the girl who didn't lose focus, was confident of her abilities and might have made a new friend along the way.
| Anihyr Moonstar chapter 1 . 9/29/2012
Interesting. This is set apart immediately by the perspective - I very rarely come across second-person tense, and your opening section is neat. You succeed in making me dislike "Miss Pretty" and "Mr. Popular" within the first two paragraphs. ;)
There are some technical errors scattered about through this, though.
[...a sentence is a palindrome?'.] Don't need that period at the end.
[ 'Jay, can you explain this function to me please?' ' Kay,'you say...] New speaker. Cut to a new paragraph at "Kay".
[ 'Why are you asking her for an explanation?'. 'What's your problem?' you say. 'Nothing! Nothing at all.] Again, don't need that period after the quotation in the first sentence. (Never will you need that period.) And always cut to a new paragraph when you have a new speaker.
['Sorry.' He says sheepishly.] Comma after 'sorry', lower case 'h' in 'he' because 'he says' is a dialogue tag, and thus part of the same sentence.
Stuff like that. Maybe find a beta to help you with technical errors? It looks like you have an eye for storytelling; it would just be benefited if the story itself was cleaned up a bit. :)
| Sakina the Fallen Angel chapter 1 . 4/6/2011
I really liked your characterisation here, and how each thought/observation in the opening is loaded with insight about the main character's personality as she really does come alive in my mind, and from the way you've written her, she is so easy to empathise with. However, there are a few bits where it is slightly unclear as to who is speaking which led to confusion and to me having to reread some bits over again - maybe just put in one or two indicators every now and then - also, watch out for your formatting in terms of new lines for new speech - that was also a bit distracting. Other than that, this was a cute
one-shot, and I liked it all the more for not being standard in terms of narration and scenario.
~ Sakina x
| Eiya Weathes chapter 1 . 4/6/2011
Okay, first of all like how you started this off. Totally original and it makes me wonder...it makes me think. It made me both intrigued and fascinated which a good thing when it comes to hooking in readers.
The only thing I 'disliked' here is the little errors. But it's nothing a little proofreading can't fix. Good luck with this~!
| thefaultinourpatronus chapter 1 . 3/9/2011
Indian writer? FP could definitely use more of those! Welcome, anyhow! (:
Next to her is , trying to sneakily look into the cheat sheets he made the night before.
-I think FP missed a word/name here before uploading, might want to add that in!
Amidst all the panic, you sit in your place calmly. 'Jay, can you explain this function to me please?' 'Kay,'you say, and launch into an explanation of matrix multiplication programming, even though you know she's screwed.
-I think this line sounds like Jay is speaking! Make sure you add spaces between words, and especially after commas.
'Why didn't you just take Arts and leave Science to people who actually understand it?'
-I have a bunch of cousins from India who sprout these kind of things all the time. Major insult XD
'and unless you can remember the chemical that , on warming, causes certain lead salts to form golden patterns'
-Same with what I said the first time, FP is majorly screwed up like that so I don't blame you!
That's that. I like this. It's definitely interesting, and I like how the girls thoughts come in ever so often. Although I don't really know whether the protagonist is a girl or a boy - 'Jay' can be both, no? - but I'm just assuming it's a girl! ;) Anyway I'd definitely like to read more of this! Thanks for the review on my story, btw (: Looking forward to reading more! :D
| Themory chapter 1 . 10/23/2010
Ah! That was so cute.
I think you really capture high school tension well in this piece. I think that's kind of hard to do when you write in second person point of view with a plot-line like this but you did wel..
Also I like you vocabulary: ""You're right, ' he says contemptuously." It gave your story substance.
One comment though, it may have just been me but it was really hard to keep track of who was talking at certain times.
Like here: 'Guys, cut it out. 'It's his best friend, tired of these fights. 'It's so not worth wasting time-' 'talking to idiots? You're right, ' he says contemptuously and allows his friend to lead him away.
Who's the one talking? The rude boy's friend or the rude boy?
Overall, good first chapter.