|Reviews for Of Quarks And Leptons|
| Dexterity chapter 1 . 11/1/2010
I have no idea how he managed to shrink after getting hit by a beam of particles; I'd think maybe the particles making up his body would scatter or something like that, but I don't exactly care because I really like the idea, haha. So is Lepto showing Teller the rest of the atom? Other electrons and, maybe, the nucleus? It'd be interesting to have Lepto meet another electron and get repelled, lol. I quite like how you set up the first chapter. Great job!
| Elsbeth Lagrange chapter 2 . 10/16/2010
Haha! I like your sense of humour. I guess it's not for everybody, but I find your self-consciousness very endearing. My own little quibble is with your twenty-dollar words- much as I love a word like gargantuan, I don't think you get to use it more than once in a story. I think your story stands on its own, you don't need to work so hard to prove you're smart- it's apparent! I also really liked how Teller got so into his situation right away. This story made me smile.
| rara saryn chapter 1 . 10/12/2010
I like it! More please
| Greg Zerich chapter 1 . 9/27/2010
It feels as though perhaps you need to get a little more comfortable in the work itself, find your groove so to speak.
I agree with BKE's assessment, that there's no need to get self-depreciating near the end. It also leaned a bit too hard on the fourth wall for my liking.
I know that you intend more characterization down the road, and this might be a personal quibble more than anything else, but I wish that you would have introduced the character a little more with this starting chapter. As it stands, the LHC got more screentime. I know that it and what it did are important parts of the plot, but having Teller get into a conversation with one of his compatriots, or added more of a physical description and background details would have gone a long way.
Despite all I've said, this story has a lot of promise. And it will be a pleasure to follow your writing efforts and to see where you'll take this.
| BKE chapter 1 . 9/27/2010
As I read this I feel within you, the authors intentions. You do not believe in your own tale, nor do you truly want to, so it shows you to be working toward attempting to play a game rather than getting lost in it.
Self-conciousness pervades through it, indicating that you really would prefer to be in absolute control here. There is nothing really outside of your grasp. This can feel constrained and weighs down on the narrative. I would try being a little more objective about this.
For the vocabulary and the grammar, I see you capture the snootiness of the modern academic very well, but it can alienate readers who would prefer something more to the point and simple. You could benefit from having more mundane and humanizing elements, they'll make it work far more.
| Call Me TEAM AWESOME chapter 1 . 9/27/2010
AWESOME! I am absolutely obsessed with particle physics, and especially the LHC at CERN. This is a really good idea! I do, however, wonder what type of particle he is. I don't believe it was mentioned.
An electron helps to make up an atom, so is Lepto (love the name, and I totally get where you might've got it) going to introduce Edwards to another atom? It's just a bit confusing.
I was wondering if you had a scientific reason for his shrinking to the small scale he is in now. If a beam of particles hit you, it would mess up some of your atoms, I bet, and maybe that's what happened. I really hate it when people give me whole big reasons, so I'll shut up now.
This review is getting long, so I'll stop it now. I definitely love this story!