|Reviews for The True Rein Free|
| InkWitch chapter 1 . 12/31/2010
"Crowded cities shrink to the shade" favourite line.
| x-d3vilz3v3-x chapter 1 . 10/2/2010
This is really nice ! :)
When did you write this ?
I think I agree with Soliloquist at a few points !
But, all in all, it's pretty amazing!
| soliloquist chapter 1 . 10/2/2010
Just browsing :)
A few ideas:
The rumbling coming forth - the rumbling roaring forth?
(I like alliteration :P)
Is there any way to rearrange the line 'like a grumble of a giant up high' ? The rhythm of your first few lines is really great, but this breaks it a bit. Try reading it aloud to yourself and see how it sounds.
(I like rhythm too :P)
Where does the line 'swinging and twisting' come from? It seems a bit un-linked from the rest of the poem.
'Aware and alert of the eyes upon her' She can be aware of them sure, but can she be alert of them? (Alliteration though :) Score!)
I love 'The rest know that too.'
It is so perfect.
Overall, love the poem. The criticism is just me trying to be helpful, so don't let it annoy you. I wouldn't try and help if I didn't think it was awesome already.
Best of luck :)