|Reviews for Lonely|
| soliloquist chapter 1 . 10/2/2010
Hi, just browsing.
I know if you're anything like me, you write a poem and its done - you don't change it, but:
Fourth line - should that be scraps?
Also, the last line is a little off grammatically. Not quite sure how you should change it though.
I like 'none heard by others on earth'. Nice contrast to the previous line.
If I were going to add any more to this poem, it would be imagery.
Something really vivid and desolate. A coastline? Memories drifting like weeds in the rocks, screeching white spirits soaring below, but blindly ignored, and a desolate and pristine ocean stretching as far as the eye can see. Maybe with some emblem of civilisation perceived as towering behind the eye of the poet...?
Sorry... I like imagery :)
But your poem made me think - so that's good. That's what poetry should do. Best of luck.