|Reviews for Island and Realm|
| nickyO chapter 1 . 10/23/2010
Interesting premise. It makes me day dream about the rest of the story. Good job.
| Nesasio chapter 1 . 10/10/2010
The descriptions in this are lovely. "Blooming layers of scales formed across her thighs like flower petals..." Loved that. I could picture everything happening so well.
My only problem with this was that by the end I wasn't exactly sure what they had turned into. I had to look at the story's description to realize what was happening beyond the details of the scene. Still, I liked it.
Good job and good luck on the WCC!
| Ayx chapter 1 . 10/10/2010
I thought this was brilliant. Get images and concept for a story.
| RavenclawMoose chapter 1 . 10/9/2010
I really liked the descriptions in this story. The idea of the woman's skin "forging together like hot metal," the "fresh pink and red hues of daylight" that "smashed over them," the way "breathable oxygen became acrid smoke," all of these painted a very vivid picture that had me hooked. It was a pleasure to read, right up until it ended quite abruptly. I found the ending somewhat unsatisfying. Why are they enemies? What sort of creatures are they? I think the story would have been much better if you had made it just a little longer and explained just a few more things. Overall, I did enjoy it, though. Like I said, you have beautiful imagery that I liked reading. Good luck in the WCC!
| berley chapter 1 . 10/9/2010
"Where she fell into herself like a dream, his change was more vapid, a callused fist exploding through his body."
- I really liked this line. Great imagery and an awesome way to describe the different kind of creature that he was turning into compared to her.
Your description is amazing and just...beautiful. I could feel the characters desperate need for each other, and their want to continue holding each other. This piece was short and sweet, but that was all you needed to get the message and imagery across.
Again, beautiful. Good luck on the WCC!
| Sercus Kaynine chapter 1 . 10/8/2010
Very mystical and picturesque take on the prompt. I could almost see this as a painting or something. Beautiful imagery, and the details of who changed first really gave it flavor. Short and sweet.
Good job and good luck in WCC!
| Heartafire chapter 1 . 10/3/2010
This is spectacular, my only nit is the use of the word "haunted" twice so close together. Wonderful original and imaginative.
| Adrenalin chapter 1 . 10/3/2010
I'm not sure the "I love you" works as an opening. Generally speaking I am wary of stories that start with dialog. The authors have two attitudes after that one sentence: either they distance themselves from the dialog to make a narrative introduction, or they go all dialog without providing any information for the reader. You seem to belong to the first. Of course, it is a very short story and there is very little dialog in it, but still, I think the "I love you" would be better after the second sentence or the whole first paragraph. Plus your second sentence has beautiful imagery, why not use it to set a stronger mood than a rather commonplace "I love you"?
[With his hands pressed against her face he breathed in the last haunted milky breaths of the night.]
I would suggest a comma after 'face' and 'milky' seems one too many adjective to me, but it's a personnal feeling and I like the sentence as it is anyway.
[they already felt haunted by the other's presence]
Repetition of 'haunted'. Felt the ghost of each other's presence? Felt tormented by the other's absence? Just some propositions :) (Uh... Ghost wouldn't really work with the following 'specters' anyway)
The whole piece has a very interesting feeling. It was like Enki Bilal met Swan Lake. (I'm not sure Enki Bilal is known out of France...)
[The red scars on their wrists burned with magic threads]
Made me think of the red thread of fate... Is that chinese or japanese mythology?
[his change was more vapid, a callused fist exploding through his body.]
Isn't there some opposition between the two sentences? I don't feel a fist exploding would be vapid.
[The lovers they were as man and woman gave way to the enemies they were as creatures of the sea.]
That's the only thing I was annoyed with: not knowing in what they had morphed by the end of the piece. It would give more strength to the piece & to the last sentence.
Good luck in the WCC.
| CheriB chapter 1 . 10/2/2010
Hmm. I really liked this. It's an interesting idea, a Romeo and Juliet story with a supernatural twist. I really like this line: "Fresh pink and red hues of daylight smashed over them from the horizon." You usually think of the sunrise as a gentle, but just the use to the word 'smashed' lets the reader know that nothing good is coming from the rising of the sun.
All in all, a good short story. Um, looking through it, there isn't really anything that I don't like. I'm pretty sure another reviewer will point it out if there is anything wrong. Keep up the good work!
| amavian chapter 1 . 10/2/2010
What you have here is good, but I feel like there are too many holes like you're deliberatly not giving us the whole truth.