Reviews for Legerdemain: The Enchanting of Charles East
soliloquist chapter 3 . 10/7/2010
Hey York :)

Loved your story so far - I'm really looking forward to future chapters (any new ones still on live journal?).

Anyway, because I liked your story so much, I've been spell/grammar checking for you. If you don't want me to do this for any future chapters, just say, and I'll hold off.

Some of it is just my opinion, or random commas, things like that. Hope you find it useful, but feel free to ignore it completely...

Here goes:

"Charles didn't climb up onto the stage and join them or take advantage of Fletcher's absence to riffle through his things."

Definition of riffle:

1.

a. A rocky shoal or sandbar lying just below the surface of a waterway.

b. A stretch of choppy water caused by such a shoal or sandbar; a rapid.

2.

a. In mining, the sectional stone or wood bottom lining of a sluice, arranged for trapping mineral particles, as of gold.

b. A groove or block in such a lining.

Definition of rifle:

1. To search with intent to steal.

2. To ransack or plunder; pillage.

3. To rob: rifle a safe.

.

To search vigorously: rifling through my drawers to find matching socks.

[Middle English riflen, to plunder, from Old French rifler, probably of Germanic origin.]

CH2

plicking - should perhaps be in quotes?

... a few weeks ago after they had finished their contract... - comma in here?

... and that blow to the head... - he wasn't struck by anything (or anyone), he just dropped his head on something hard.

perhaps 'knock to the head' would be more appropriate?

... but could probably (and from the size of his headache, had) drink both he and Henry under the table. - when you put something in brackets, it should still read fine if you took the brackets out (but left their contents). In this case it is a bit awkward, but you could change the sentence order so that it reads:

'... but could probably drink both he and Henry under the table (and from the size of his headache, it seemed like she had).'

is neckties one word? neck ties...neckties...neck ties... hm...

and is there a difference between a neck tie and a cravat? :P

... found weeks later after he had desperately needed them. - either add a comma, or remove the 'later' here I think.

And speak of the Devil, ... - should there be a comma after the 'And' ?

He got some standard things at the market- bread, sausage, some potatoes they could fry, eggs, and some milk and oats for porridge. - You use 'some' three times in this sentence...

Henry's father had owned a sweets shop in Berkshire for a number of years, and despite what Henry denied, he had picked up quite a bit of it. - I think this should read 'despite Henry's denials' instead.

...when he had his second strange bit of luck for the morning... - why was passing the theatre luck? Was it not on his way? Or was it seeing Theodore that was luck?

... still kept an acquaintance albeit not a very good one... - should have a comma after albeit?

... of his mismatches clothes and messy hair and ... - should be 'mismatched' here.

Charles wondered if it was his day off and then wondered if magicians ever had days off... - wouldn't he know? He is a magician, after all.

... usually such magicians are either frauds or completely... - such magicians? What sort of magicians is he talking about? Good ones? Frauds?

CH3

... spoons and chipped plates and did not take kindly to Charles... - comma after plates?

And could have bit his tongue off because surely he had been born with more tact than that. - could this line be reworded? It seems a bit stilted.

... more hand language than god. - should that have a capital G ?

"No porridge for you," Charles decided, and she waved her arms in consternation.

He was laughing and coming very close to spilling the contents of the frying pan ... - is he cooking porridge in the frying pan?

... acting like yesterday night had never happened. - is 'yesterday night' an oxymoron? Should it be 'last night' instead?

... went back to making eggs. - cluck cluck cluck...

"Hullo!" Henry shouted considerably more energetically as the three of them burst back into Eichmann's theatre. - comma after shouted?

...world thinks you did perfectly yesterday night... - same here?

And then they had to work on The Disassembler (they had to come up with a better name, they just had to) to reinforce the blades inside, which meant Margaret had to station herself by the door to chase off the shop's sweeper whenever it got too close. - a comma after the brackets would give this more sense.

... that he was going to utterly die... - how does one die utterly? Is it different from normal dying?

So yeah, that's about it. Sorry about the pedantry :P but I always found it useful when people did the same for me.

Thanks for the entertaining read. Hope to see more soon :)
Finwe chapter 1 . 10/6/2010
Thus far, the story is quite engaging. I'm looking forward to that "Next Chapter" button!

I don't see any obvious errors. Or any not so obvious ones, either... (lol) I have to admit, I clicked on your story randomly, but I'm glad I did. I was quickly drawn in, and I really want to know what happens next. I think it's awesome that you can do that without a cliffhanger, too! (I think I'd be afraid to meet a cliffhanger of yours. XD)

'Til next time!

-Finwe
La Princesse chapter 1 . 10/4/2010
This chapter was captivating. Here I am, supposed to be writing my English paper, unsure of the fact of whether or not I want to sit down and read this, and as soon as I started, I couldn't stop. I loved The Prestige (never saw the Illisionist), and I can see where you got the inspiration from. I'm eager to see where this story goes.

The only problem I had with this chapter was the seamless movement from Fletcher's show to Charles'. I was so confused about where we were, because there was no break or anything to let me know we had moved a frame of time and reference. I had to stop a moment and say, "Oh, it's his show now. How...whatever." But that's all I could find in this chapter.

But please, continue with the story!