Reviews for His One True Love
Narq chapter 1 . 4/4/2011
DAmn. Did something stupid and FP erased by review.

The cave glittered like a fairytale under the light of her lantern.

- beauitful!

Not as eloquently worded as her last insult, but much easier to understand.

- haha, awesome! I love it amelia already! You've really made her into a real character through those bits and pieces you're slipping in. I can see her and hear her!

And I do love the last part. Indeed, a captain's first love is the sea. Like a mountain climber's first love is the mountain. Sigh.

Narq.
this wild abyss chapter 1 . 2/8/2011
Opening) I liked how you established the setting as well as the main protagonist with the opening paragraph. It really helps in a short piece like this to at least know where this story is taking place. However, "sparkled like diamonds" and "shone like mirrors" are cliched similes, and I think you could probably find a better way to describe things.

Characters) Even in such a short length of time, I thought you fleshed out Amelia's character very well. Her thoughts and motivations all seemed very reasonable, and at the end I felt like I knew her.

Writing) Grammatically speaking, your writing was spot-on, yet I feel that it didn't do the scene justice. It wasn't bad or anything, I just felt that you could have maybe added a unique sort of piratey tone to the piece through your writing. It would have increased the sense of "being there" and made Amelia's character more dynamic.

Pace) I did feel that the pace of the story was a tad rushed. More of an iin-depth backstory would have been wonderful, but I understand that the WCC sort of prohibits you from fleshing things out. But now that it's over, maybe you could go back and add something?

Spelling/Grammar) It's a minor issue, but I did notice that you used "blonde" when describing a male character. With an 'e', it's the female adjective. "Blond" is how you'd put it for a male. What can I say? It's a French word.

Bien hecho, chica!
backseat compromises chapter 1 . 10/17/2010
This was wonderfully written and oh gosh, the ending was just so heartbreaking!
xenolith chapter 1 . 10/13/2010
Awesome story! Such a treat to get this in the WCC, it was so different and I think it's really got that going for it. I loved the characters, even in such a short piece I still got a good grasp of everyone, and there was enough emoition in Amelia to make me feel like the backstory was real. Bloody good read, no errors, and an excellent ending. Great job! Best of luck this month :D
berley chapter 1 . 10/11/2010
"Bloody pirates wouldn't know the meaning of fair unless it came dressed in skimpy clothing and cheap makeup."

-Awesome line!

I really liked this piece! Like, I really really liked it. Damn, voting for the WCC is going to be so hard! Anyways, I loved the descriptions and the chase scene and the beginning, I think it was my favourite part over all. I was also very impressed with how developed the characters seemed to be considering this was a one shot. Reading this alone makes me want to know more about what happened since there is so much more to this story then just what happened in this one shot.

Great job and good luck on the WCC!
Nesasio chapter 1 . 10/10/2010
I like that there was so much action in this. Most of the other WCC entries were fairly subdued so this was refreshing.

Ted's character interested me the most. I like that Amelia shook his views a bit and that he tried to save her. Honestly, I'm glad he failed 'cause that made his potential angst more interesting to imagine.

Overall, this seemed well-written ( I don't remember seeing any spelling or grammatical errors) so it was a quick, exciting read. Good job and good luck in the WCC!
lookingwest chapter 1 . 10/9/2010
Tall, blonde, and handsome...

-Edit: blonde with an "e" is the feminine spelling of it, but without the "e" is the masculine spelling

Oh my gosh Sir! I *loved* this! I loved that you were able to develop this big story, this is amazing! WCC's are usually only one scene and pretty to the point, you know? But I love how this hints at a much bigger frame and a bigger story. I liked the reference to the other plots and such, and I absolutely adored your choice of ending. I was panicking for a moment thinking, "Oh geez, is she going to reveal the mystery?" so I was glad that you decided to. I liked the dialogue and I liked the naive Ted character, haha. At first when the story started I was set in for something honestly a bit dull, but then I saw the word "pirate" and you completely picked up the piece and ran with it in a unique direction I wouldn't have even fathomed. I liked how you incorporated the prompt of intense love and then the water, and I love the contrast of how this water is being portrayed. For instance, in Lyra's piece it's very violent, but in this it's the complete opposite, and very peaceful at the very end as Amelia passes away. I also like how the answer and puzzle is so obviously there for the reader, but of course, I didn't figure it out until the last line, hahaha. So you did a wonderful job playing with it in that sense too. Well done Sir, really, best of luck in the WCC, I have a feeling you'll do wonderful.
RavenclawMoose chapter 1 . 10/9/2010
I really enjoyed this! The ending was wonderfully well done, and it really wrapped the story up nicely. Good luck in the WCC!

RM
Themory chapter 1 . 10/8/2010
Whoa, the ending really threw me for a loop. Even though it's an old line, I really didn't expect it from both the title and the events leading up to it.

Amelia seems like such a strong and well developed character. I like how when, push comes to shove, she didn't care about the mutineers, her life or being held hostage by a bunch of strong men -she cared about her husband. That was so sweet.

I also loved her colloquialism: "Fair's fair' my ass. Bloody pirates wouldn't know the meaning of fair unless it came dressed in skimpy clothing and cheap makeup." It really made the fact that she was pirate's wife believable.

I liked the ending too because it symbolized that Roger was still her with even as she was dying.

Good luck in the contest too!
thewhimsicalbard chapter 1 . 10/8/2010
[RG - Stories - Depth]

First of all, a great story overall; you'll do well in the WCC. There are a ton of great pieces this month! This piece definitely has the most vivid narrative style of all of the pieces that I've read.

Characters-

Your characters were very well executed, especially for a story that's this short. Amelia comes across as a survivor, Ted as innocent, and Edmond as greedy - all of which I believe you intended. Then, they all get their ironic just desserts: Amelia dies, Ted has his youthfulness ripped away, and Edmond gets no treasure.

Opening-

Your opening could have been a little bit stronger, I think. It was certainly a little lacking in the strong words and choppy sentences that make a chase scene exciting. Any action scene is best described in a series of short, flowing snapshots of highly vibrant action. Your description was just a tad long-winded and slow.

Ending-

Your ending was fantastic. It tied everything together, especially in the context of the title, the captain's treasure, and Amelia's character. The realization was a little shocking that the captain's one true love was the sea, which was interesting to watch.

Dialogue-

Amelia's last SPOKEN words were "You've doomed me, fool." I think you could have done a little bit better than that. She's about to die, but you don't give her any spotlight until the very, very end of the story. I don't understand why she would suddenly be excluded from the story.

Best of luck in the WCC!

-thewhimsicalbard
Skyward Ending chapter 1 . 10/6/2010
The part I liked most about this piece was when she was wondering who her husband's true love was-that "betrayal" was probably the grittiest part of the whole fic-but it was rather short, and I felt you could have done more with it.

I didn't like the last line. The way the story wraps up makes it possible for it to be a "happy" ending, but it's also rather cheesy.
Scrabio chapter 1 . 10/4/2010
Nice entry.

I loved the end. The last line really ties the whole thing together and brings the relationship of Roger and Amelia to life. The only thing is I might of had a difficult grasping the point until that line. Amelia was interacting with different people that weren't fleshed out and there were too many parts that were straight up exposition. For example I don't know if the paragraph about the different emotions worked because the weight of the backstory was too heavy for it. As far as the syntax is concerned that was a neat paragraph. So I'm giving you conflicting feedback to do with what you will.

Ted was a character that didn't feel all the necessary to the relationship between Roger and Amelia. Edmound on the other hand was a great character. I liked the way he rose to power was his looks and his smooth tongue. I felt like more time could have been spent having conversation with him as opposed to Ted. Maybe we could have learned more about Roger if Edmound and Amelia talked it out before he shot her.

I loved Amelia. She had the sharp wit to be a pirate's bride. You wrote her character perfect.

Well done!