Reviews for The Hatred Key
GoneAway-MightNotBeReturning chapter 1 . 5/21/2011
Like the way your create suspense with this gloomy atmosphere, and your own unique twist on 'it was a dark and stormy night' although, I've got to say I like your take on it much, much better than the original.

Oh, and the plane's going to Berlin? This makes me wonder what time period it's set in. During the World Wars, perchance?
dragonflydreamer chapter 14 . 3/19/2011
Ah, I see. The power is in the wealth. I have to say, I'm a bit disappointed. With all the mystery you had surrounding it, I thought the key was something magical and otherworldly. Still, this brought it to a neat end.

From the perspective of Mark's personal journey, this was a great ending for him. He began so aimless with no idea what to do with himself, and now he has all these riches. He seems like a genuinely good guy, so I bet for him it'll be less about being rich and famous, but rather to have so many resources to make a new start.

Congrats on your first FP story, and glad to see you started another one! I hope you keep writing :)

~Sparkles from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
dragonflydreamer chapter 13 . 3/19/2011
Ooh, I really did like the intro to this one. It was almost cinematic in the way you pan from each animal to the metal outside and finally into Mark.

So it looks like his journey is coming to an end. I have high expectations for this epilogue, I have to say, because I still have no idea what the key does other than reveal all these jewels. But I like the feeling of completion that this has. You've had a lot of buildup in the story, so it's nice to finally have the release and a possibly happy ending?
dragonflydreamer chapter 12 . 3/19/2011
I didn't like the opening of this. A statistical summary of the Amazon doesn't set a clear scene or mood. Also, in the very first line: [The early morning sun was beating down on forty percent of which was the Amazon Rainforest.] Forty percent of what?

I did love the rest of this chapter, though! The plot is getting exciting. You had a fast pace and a lot going on, but still kept everything clear with your description.

Jewels, huh? I'm curious to see how this could be connected to the "immense power" and whatnot the key is said to hold.
dragonflydreamer chapter 11 . 3/19/2011
I'm still finding some redundancies in your writing, such as:

[All these questions and more were lingering in his mind...after a long debate with himself and his mind.] Mind used twice.

[The odd squawk of a bird was heard...But no human voice was heard.] Heard used twice.

These make your readers stumble over your words, which is a shame because your writing flows well otherwise.

I like the action here, with him having to fend for himself in the wild and everything. Interesting for a city person, though as I mentioned before he did seem very handy. It's interesting to see him so completely out of his environment.

Gah, you and cliffhangers! Are we going to get one every time now? XD
dragonflydreamer chapter 10 . 3/19/2011
I like how you always put the exact time that it is. Interesting motif. It gives the story some spacial grounding, but I'm also beginning to wonder if it has some greater significance?

I like the whole scene you've created, too. You described the jungle well and I felt that this chapter had the strongest sense of setting. It created an interesting mood, too-wondrous, yet kind of eerie, which is great working with the cliffhanger you left Mark with.
dragonflydreamer chapter 9 . 3/19/2011
I didn't like the transition into this chapter. I was really confused about the fallout of the last chapters' action and how it ended up with Mark here.

I do like Mark's reflection on the abilities of the key. Is there actually something that it unlocks, or the power in the object itself? I love how you tempt us with a bit of information but never really reveal anything.
dragonflydreamer chapter 8 . 3/19/2011
I didn't like the caps you used. It's okay for a word or two, but you have an entire sentence in them just looked tacky. Try italics, or just use the description to show how loud/angry it is.

I'm also very confused about what's going on. With so many countries, how do they trust this key to just be, oh, somewhere around here? Wouldn't they all be fighting for such power, or at least distrustful of one company having it? I felt this needed far more clarity.

I did like the action, though. After several chapters of buildup, it felt good to have such a fast pace.
dragonflydreamer chapter 7 . 3/19/2011
I like how the first part of this chapter was just Mark being fascinated with the flight and didn't have much to do with the trip's purpose. He's so easily intrigued by everything, an interesting trait for his character.

I wish this chapter had more dialogue, though. They're all in the plane going to this exciting, yet mysterious destination. It would be a good time to establish characters, speculate about their purpose, etc.
dragonflydreamer chapter 6 . 3/19/2011
I like the descriptions of the ocean. Aside from being visually pleasing, it gave a nice point of reflection for Mark's character.

I also like the way you tell the stories about the hatred key. It almost feels like a prophecy being told, but in a less-cliched, far more interesting way. It's also an interesting element to have certain people know about it while other are completely in the dark. How did these men hear of it? How well-known is it?
dragonflydreamer chapter 5 . 3/19/2011
Hey there! It's been a while since I've reviewed this.

[his walk-in wardrobe he had renovated last summer.] Interesting detail about the character. Is this something he wanted as a career or just a hobby?

[ and threw then on.] then them

[into the hectic car park. They turned into the long-term parking zone, and finally found an unoccupied park. They swiftly parked,] Try not to use the word "park" in here quite so much.

Interesting chapter. I like how we can see Mark's excitement without knowing what exactly is going on because it makes us feel like we're seeing things unfold a lot with him. I also like how friendly the soldier is. Most people would associate soldiers with being rigid and uniform, but it makes wherever he's going seem genuinely fun.

~Sparkles from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
StoryMonster chapter 14 . 3/1/2011
Somehow I found the ending kinda cliched, but I'm happy for Mark and I can't believe it's over!

Well, great job, and brilliant story you've got here, Nick!


*Could you please repay this via Your's Truly, an Indian Pessimist? And be sure to check out the author's note at the end of the whole thing!
thefaultinourpatronus chapter 6 . 2/16/2011
Marion lived that long ago, did she? Interesting... But i wonder why it didn't hurt anything when she saw it? The explanation of the key was really interesting! Descriptions are all amazing, as usual. Very brilliant story you've got so far, Nick! Great job.

x mandy
thefaultinourpatronus chapter 5 . 2/16/2011
One word of caution: The much too frequent usage of adverbs. I wouldn't worry too much as lots of published authors of guilty of the aforementioned crime! :P Take JKR. The only thing I dislike about her is that her tags consist of mainly adverbs, which gets annoying to read after a while.

Otherwise, I'm pretty excited for the war that's coming up! The story has been paced really well so far, keep up the good work :)

x mandy
thefaultinourpatronus chapter 4 . 2/14/2011
I feel some bits of the chapter needed a bit more description - just so we know the surroundings the people are in. Otherwise, interesting chapter! Hopefully the Americans are searching for the key to prevent anything bad from happening! But then again, you never know! Power-hungry people these days... Aah great chapter!

x mandy
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